Conscious Change

Overnight I found myself in deep contemplation about the ego. What is the ego? what is the selfless state? why is it important?

My listening of Eckhart Tolle is evoking a deeper meditation around these issues as any actions in my life must come from selflessness not ego if I choose to serve. So how do I know the difference?

I have called myself a World Peace Clown and my trip around the world sealed that identity in many ways. I contemplated why I clown. Firstly I have fun and I love to connect and joke with people. I love to see them smile and hear their stories. It is an amazing experience to simply shine in a public space fearlessly. You are just beaming with radiant joy, thankfully I don’t mind if people respond or not, so I find myself moving through these spaces enhanced and definitely noticed but without need for that recognition. Sometimes I focus on my juggling balls and just smile as I love juggling, I become the same as others, doing my thing. Reactions I watch curiously but with no analysis, just observation. The clowning in many respects is a good practice as you learn to allow life to come and go as you move through it. I often say to other people who come with me, we are not here to entertain but to be entertained by life. To accept what shows up. I think that is a truism. There is no pressure to make anything happen, just be what happens and see. I feel there is a true beauty that I see within myself when in this space, that is why I do it. As I see beauty in me I see it in you. When I see it in you I see it in me. What I see is incredibly beautiful. I see humanity in all its varieties, people I would never talk to in a normal mode of life, I am speaking with. The punks, the police, the officials, business people, mothers, grandmothers, goths, babies and a range of different nationalities. I get to speak to chinese people, indians, americans, europeans, afghans, iranians, new zealanders, polynesians, canadians, emirates and the list goes on. So I get to communicate with all shapes and sizes and as I do I feel the oneness through our smiles and our humanity.

What I love is to see and feel the real world. A world of great beauty. For some they may see a world of detachment, or label it cruel and cold, as a clown I see a world of liveliness, friendliness as family. They reveal this to me as they feel safe with a clown. There are a few phobias out there, I had a woman cower on a plane as I walked passed, in a shop, at a hospital a doctor freaked, a nurse etc. I smiled and in some cases put their minds at ease as I pretended to be more scared. Other times I said ‘turn around and pretend I am normal’, I then massaged their shoulders which they loved with my vibrating massager. I try to show them the innocence of the clown and to face their fear. At a school once a teacher brought a child to me telling me she was terrified of clowns. So I just pretended not to see her and started juggling then dropped my ball. Making sure not to make eye contact, I pretended I couldn’t pick up the ball, bad back ha, the child tentitively grabbed it and then I indicated to throw the ball. She did and we ended up playing for ages. The issue was her learning to face fear not stay in it. To have courage to come up to the clown. In the end we hugged. Recently I had dinner with a girl who was scared of clowns, I was dressed normally but told her I was. Then she was going to sleep (staying at my friends house), my friend kissed her good night and I did as well and said ‘you just kissed a clown’ ha ha. Then the next day I got love glasses on her and she became a clown. No phobia. Whalla. When they say to me ‘you are scarey’, I say ‘it is not me you are afraid of, you are afraid of your thought about clowns.’ I would say to those afraid don’t watch dark clown movies. You don’t find phobias in the developing countries as they are not watching films. So I don’t worry. They have to work it out there is nothing to fear but fear itself. That is not my responsibility, that is theirs.

So imagine a world where we allowed people to feel the friendship, the freedom, to feel safe and accept differences. Imagine the friends, the opportunities, the sense of security and the world that arises. A new earth rises.

So this brings me to ego. This is the false self. This is what we do, our role, the strong sense of self that projects beliefs onto the world. For example – I am a market analyst, I am a world peace clown, I am a doctor, I am a mother, I am a CEO, I am a man, I am a woman. These are the definitions which we apply to gain a sense of the separate self in the world. The identity that you are but is that true? The ego is about ‘me’. The ego is the defence mechanism that protects ourselves, defends against attack or attacks, in some cases to the death. It is the place of inflated ego – pride, jealously, superiority, more important, special or insecurity – not good enough, not pretty, not intelligent, worthless, pathetic and so on. The ego in many respects is the small me. It makes us smaller as all rotates around us and we are the driver of that, no magic carpet ride, make it happen. Hence we may say ‘I must make it happen’, ‘I must achieve’, ‘I must be the best’, ‘I must be accepted’, ‘popular’, ‘decent’, ‘responsible’ etc. The world ‘must’ and ‘should’ be a certain way (usually my way) is the colour of egoic thoughts. Even humility can be lack of confidence, fear of being judged or taking a risk, staying below so you can’t be seen. For some it is a false humility appearing to be ‘holier than thou’ rather than just doing the job and moving on without seeking out accolades and praise. So the opposite of ego would be what is termed oneness. The self disappears from duality to oneness. You can imagine the small drop of water joining the ocean. One can see it as the small beliefs joining with the ocean of consciousness.

When I think of oneness I see the environment and the flows blending and interdependent, the symbiotic relationships without thought. I see interdependency as another form of community. Just acting from natural impulse without analysis and being true to our nature. True nature always seeks balance and harmony.

I think in the times we are moving through we are just starting to explore what many mystics and wise teachers of times past were teaching through example, the idea of no self. The no thingness. The selfless realisation of our fundamental oneness with all life mirroring the infinite sustainability of nature. Some call this enlightenment, some call it awakened. It is a shift in consciousness that loses the self to find the greater Self which some call god. I call it omni (omnipresent) meaning it is ‘all that is’ others call it creation, but for me that includes what is not created as the created comes from somewhere (no thingness). You can question this by asking where did you come from before birth and why you? How was the life created? what intelligence worked it out? could it be haphazard or planned? Evolution or creation is a popular argument, I say both. There is the middle ground. I am learning to see life as a series of experiences that come for my highest good. Even criticism is good because it evokes an exploration of whether I react to what they are saying, or look with compassion, seek for truth within and respond. To not take it personally but look at it curiously. This new consciousness is harmonising with what is. It is what it is, nothing diminishes me without my permission (buy in). This is the philosophy of peace as action, it is being. The beingness (awareness) rather than the doingness (busy) becomes the number one priority of life. There is nothing I have to do, just be who I really am. The central question is ‘who am I?’ To be who I am with integrity, honesty and purity of intention rather than vested interest and selfishness where it is all about me, what I gain. I love the idea it is about what I give you receiving is giving as well. I allow you to give to experience your generosity, your wealth which is not dependent on money. Intent is central to being or doing.

So what I am learning and practicing is to meet every situation with understanding and curiosity. Even not having a place to stay can be another adventure ‘where will life take me’, ‘who will I meet’. I am not the driver. I discover I am losing my fear as I travel through life with a positive feeling towards all. I found the clowning helped me develop this universal feeling ‘the other is me.’ That we are all beautiful and we are where we are. Even those we judge to me not okay, I am learning to see them as at a point in their life where lessons are being learned and it is not for me to judge. Doesn’t mean I don’t speak to them of another way, doesn’t mean I condone their actions, but I am not the judger of right and wrong, as I don’t know the deeper purpose of what they are learning and those around them are learning. It is not for me to teach you or change you, but to simply accept you as you are, for you are in truth, life. I simply turn inward and decide who I am in relation to this situation. I choose to change or not. I have called this in poetry The Philosopher’s Stone, rather than seeing the rock as hard, I am changing myself when I come across the rock. I cannot change the rock, but I know it is part of the aliveness.

so this new world is here now and it is a truly revitalising thought to know that we are becoming or indeed evolving into a species that will sustain itself and go onto greater strengths. That may sound idealistic in a world captured by television, but I would advise not to watch television. It creates passive states and it frames your world taking away your sense of decision making and framing your own world. I have often gone to my own experience to discern events, rather than beleiving what I am told blindly following the blind. I’ve found the media takes exceptionally short sound and visual bytes to describe complex situations where there is no attempt to suggest solutions. I find this disempowering and leaves you with a negative feeling that the world is not okay. In my experience the world is more than okay, it is incredible. I’ve travelled the planet and around my own country and seen nothing but potential and possibility. These manifest when we become open to possibility and change. Change I love so I flow with the constant change of life that appears as a kaleidoscope of images passing before my eyes. These experiences become what I call them, another may see it another way. So i am watching my own consciousness and asking am I positive or negative or am I in judgement (right/wrong). How am I responding. Can I observe without analysis and simply watch the passing parade called life. The world is a large place and our little world is very small.

So now I am parring it back to the moment. I can work from their and open my world to possibilities. I do not make definite statements of what is, as it can change. I have trust in humanity to work out its problems and they are at choice in how the world manifests. We unconsciously or consciously create it or choose to deny what we find too painful or overwhelming. The times we are in today is creating the possibility of waking people through environmental changes and what I would call cosmic changes. This will awaken people as they see politicians cannot solve it, that is why it is not a political problem, it is a choice point. The decision is ‘who am I in relation to this’, I would suggest thta people are deciding ‘am I powerless’ or ‘should I take action and act on my feelings’. There has been disempowerment of communities so many may feel paralysed and dispairing. What I would suggest is that nothing is over, don’t believe what you read, just discern what resonates and go with that. You are the power, the decider and what you do or not do does affect change. If you feel moved to act, go for it. I would suggest nonviolently and with respect, no matter who you are dealing with. In conflict resolution we teach to solve the problem not hate the person. If we see weaknesses in ourselves look at it without judgement and face the issues within. Ignoring problems and denial won’t create a peaceful world it will just allow problems to grow. So having courage, facing issues, working out truth and finding who you really are, are central factors.

Anyway, I may leave it at that point. You are indeed the change you wish to see. I wonder what change you will create. I think I will repost a poem I sent to my friends this christmas.

Be the Change?

I am going to change the world,

I whisper,

I am changing the world,

I feel,

I am the change,

I see,

I am the world,

Actually,

And what I see,

Frees me,

From illusions.

Are you going to change the world?

I venture,

Are you changing the world?

That you see,

Are you the change?

Can you be?

Into what shape do you change?

Is it a positive or negative space?

Do you see the subtle inflections,

For there are many angles,

For we are shape changers,

In every moment of every day,

There are no strangers,

To world peace,

For peace

Is

The world,

And if there is no earth rise,

There is no peace.