When Lying Opens the Doors to Truth

I had an interesting experience yesterday. I offered to pick my friend up from the airport early evening. I decided to park outside the airport and wait. The fees for airport parking are very high. Anyway, I sat there for a while with my warning lights on. Anyway, I noticed some blue flashing lights. The officer comes up and says it is dangerous to park where I am. I say to him quite quickly ‘I wasn’t feeling well and pulled over, does he know of any places I can park’. He points out MacDonalds and I smile politely.

Now I have to say I was surprised at myself, I normally don’t lie. I teach peace education and honesty is one of the values I teach. This came quite quickly to me to lie. I spoke to my friend later and said to her my own surprise at how quick I was to lie. We then had a discussion about lying. She felt it was okay to tell little lies, I said actually it is not about right or wrong it is about self deception. I said you actually end up programming the brain to accept lying and when does a small lie become a bigger one. I told her how in my life I try not to lie at all. To the point that even on written forms or applications or even my c.v. I tell the whole truth. I said it keeps you in alignment with universal truth. You also feel good about yourself as you are reflecting transparency. This is the bud of happiness. All unhappiness is the secret knowing that you have lied and discredited yourself. This happens everyday when people do things that are not true for them, they often say ‘I have no choice’. In truth no choice is a choice.

We discussed how we live in a society that is constantly lying. I was trained in Marketing and that in itself is lying. Promotions are created to entice people to buy things, they are seldom true, in fact they manufacture a desire to buy the product indicating that you are somehow insufficient without it or it will affect you socially. For example having a flat bed t.v. screen these days is becoming the norm. Can you imagine the judgement around a normal little television and owning an old car. People would see you as somehow not succeeding. Such is the power of marketing. Look at politics, they often lie or create impressions that the other side is somehow deficient or irresponsible or find ways to discredit the other in order to win the election. It is not about truthfully evaluating a policy in the interests of the public and pointing out where the opposition may need to improve. That was the original intent of debate to be able to improve the overall quality of decision making. In truth, it has distorted decision making, encouraged risk adverse behaviour and forced people to engage in group think (all agreeing) in order to tow the party line. Yet individual disagreement can be the very spark which helps the quality of policy. Instead you are seen as disloyal or a renegade if you differ. Where the real essence of democacy was to encourage freedom of speech so that issues could be thoroughly looked at and all views taken on board to create good policy and outcomes for the public.

So from a small lie a bigger one arrives. When I was teaching truth I would tell children you can speak the truth. My friend used the example I taught by saying if your friend asks if you like what they are wearing you don’t want to hurt their feelings. I said you can re-word in such a way that is not offensive. For example, I wouldn’t wear the jumper and my opinion is not that important, what matters is what you think about it. Really you have to wear it, if you like it then it is right for you. Everyone has different likes and dislikes. I don’t believe in lying to people in that way.

My friend in the end came around and agreed. She also pointed some home truths where she had felt I had lied. At first I didn’t agree with her then later when I was driving home and reflecting, I did. I rang her immediately and I thanked her for pointing out where I had lied. I was grateful, that is real friendship.

I also contemplated trying to find the policeman and apologise for not telling the truth to him. As I honour him as well. However, my feeling was it might be hard to locate him and I am sure the police would smile at me. Yet if I could I would. My friend was surprised by that but I explained to her when I lie I am society lying, I am sending a signal to the policeman that you can’t trust society. When I speak the truth I am being the change, I am the truth, I am society truthful which builds trust and confidence in others. So that is how important truth is. There are no little lies. It is hard I know to be totally honest in this society, but let’s keep trying to apply a higher standard of ethics, this is what children see in us and model on.

I reflected later on the lie and saw how it was really good for me to see myself lie and then it opened the door to really looking at other lies, perhaps harmless ones, where I have chosen to fool myself or I have chosen to create a smoke screen so I can have what I want. We are good at camouflaging lies to look like they are reasonable or justified, yet at the base of the lie there is fear. My friend looked at me quizzically and asked if I was afraid of the police. I said of course at some deep level I must have been. Even though I wasn’t shaking or feeling nervous there was a fear that I wouldn’t be able to do what I wanted or I may get a fine or something. The fear of not having enough money was there. So I said to myself next time tell the truth. It also inspired me to do the work of Byron Katie which is all about inner inquiry, to look into negative feelings and transform them into peace.

What had been interesting also about this experience was the night before I had been thinking of my friend as being dishonest with herself. I found her not able to really look at her part in conflicts and often she saw the defect in the other. I was thinking of finding a way to show her to herself. Perhaps through my error and my admission of lying that may have opened a door for her. She said I want to see a lot of you before you go. I said let’s do the work (Byron Katie) and I could see initial resistance, then she smiled and said okay. The work is powerful, it shows you to yourself. When we live in a mode of blaming others or relying on others or expecting others to be a certain way, we are not taking responsibility for ourselves. My work is to take full responsibility and face myself in truth. I am not going to live in guilt or feel there were things I should have done, just accept life is what it is and do my best.

So in our imperfection our road to truth opens up. In truth there are no mistakes and I saw the beauty of that. Truth leads you home. I was so happy I lied as it showed me I have much work to do on myself. Why do I want to be truthful? I want to live fearlessness. Why do I want to be fearless? I want to live in freedom and peace. Why do I want that? I feel happiness to live my full potential. I wish to be the change and create a world where I am the presence of love, that is real service. That is who I am. That is why honesty is central.

So my lie opened up a discussion about truth and made me prove to myself why it is important. It also opened me up to my own dishonesty which I saw as an opportunity to bring more truth into my life by admitting my lie, it also illuminates any shadows in my life. The friend I had judged as dishonest at times became my teacher pointing out my dishonesty, which I smiled at to myself and it then became the subject of this public blog of which you are reading. That is how beautiful truth is. I so love truth, it is not just a word, it is a journey home to yourself, it is who you are. I have had moments when I have seen clearly truth and cried at my love of truth and how it transform me into a philosopher. It helps me to see clearly and to love myself and others. It is not a righteous truth (mine is better than yours). It is an energy of love and I know what it’s source is.

Have a great day, speak the truth with love and kiindness and from your own viewpoint. Thank any detractors as they are secretly your teachers, they will always help you to see yourself when you don’t want to look. We all feel this way, but when you look you will see and this is what sets you free.

The truth does indeed set you free.

Much love (truth) to you.