Mysogyny is Powerlessness in Truth

I find the gender issue interesting. It is not a subject I have particularly focused on but lately I am finding out more about domestic violence and it has disturbed me.  I have had my own questions about some men’s behaviour and what I’ve truly sought to test is emotional intelligence and awareness of the feelings of others.  Some men of course are very aware and sensitive but there appears a general conditioning whereby men suppress their emotions as they are seen as weak or like females.  I recall not that long ago hearing a man I know who was joining the police telling his friend he was a ‘girl’.  I had to say something as I was clear the implication was an insult not a positive compliment.  As a female I was blown away by his lack of awareness.  I see nothing weak about being a woman, in my experience I found women to be incredibly strong and intelligent.  So I look at the cobwebs of previous generations leading up to the current times as of interest. Our previous Prime Minister here in Australia was a woman and it was concerning to see her attacked verbally in Parliament.  She herself raised the mysogyny (sexist) issue. I had never heard of the word before but I knew there was truth in it.  The current Prime Minister is very unpopular and apparently on International Women’s Day he didn’t say anything, he is the Minister for Women.  My friend laughed but behind that was anger and contempt.  I tend to see him as not having emotional intelligence to in-form him, so I don’t blame him for his ignorance I think the type of macho man he is, is raising awareness here about sexism and men not exploring the reality of the issue.  I do think men here in Australia need to really examine what is being expressed through the Commission on Domestic Violence headed by Rosy Batty, whose former husband killed their child and had a history of violence inflicted on her.  I see  violence as a cry for help and I do think we have to look deeper into the powerlessness that is at the root of violence.  

After my world trip travelling via New Zealand and then home, I saw the mysogyny issue clearly.  It actually shocked me for I had forgotten there were attitudes demeaning women.   I had a situation with a man who was staring at me a lot and making eye contact.  I liked him at first but realised he had a wedding ring.  I took the initiative and talked to him.  He told me he had kids.  I thought talking to him would cool him down.  It didn’t.  I had to be the one to leave the space, not him.  I even asked to talk about it, no answer.  What I’ve found in previous situations is that I’ve tried to resolve an issue with a man or group of men and found silence greet me, I found it very illogical and confusing and it leaves you feeling powerless as there is no resolution.  I really reflected deeply about emotional intelligence, empathy and effective communication to find answers.  As I could see the seeds of this behaviour in war zones, politics, hospitals, jails or in spaces where those in pain are ignored.  It is like a numbing. there is no feeling for the other or ability to sense the other, they appear self contained and unaware.  I saw it as suppression of natural human emotions.  I also realised it was mind identification (in one’s head) and disconnected from the feeling state (empathy).  I sense this is behind the mysogyny issue.  Women and men are very different in the way they think and I really see that when in conversation.  Women are definitely very quick to access emotions, men are quick to go to the intellect.  I can  usually go into both spaces so I will talk to them in their language but at the same time look between the words to how they feel, I seek what is true.  The emotional landscape I find more in-forming (literally) of a person, what is not said has become for me, interesting.  I am gaining an ability to see what can’t be seen.  Being a poet has enabled me to feel for truth and I have had some illuminating insights that I wouldn’t have discovered through analysis or logic.  My interest in peace in the world takes me down many interesting pathways to understand what blocks peace and understanding.  We have a fair way to go.  It will move faster when we desire change.

In the case of males (and some masculine females) I think the  panacea to this is to teach them to feel their feelings through activities that get them in touch with their hearts or emotional intelligence.  For example poetry, painting, singing, writing, playing, designing, communicating – anything that takes them into the right brain.  I see the imbalance between the genders there.  On a deeper level I am aware that there is masculine and feminine in every person.  If a gender has been taught that the other is weak and they are superior then they will suppress anything within themselves that is like the other gender for fear of ridicule. They don’t want to seem weak in the eyes of their gender.  Even men who are more nurturing and gentle tend to get isolated, so I see it as the suppression of the feminine.  What is interesting about this is that I’ve seen that some women are very masculine and dominant – I regard that as a masculine feminine – Margaret Thatcher (former British Prime Minister) would be an example of that type.  There are  men that are feminine masculines where they tend to be the nurturers, they yield, they serve and so on.  My step father is like that and I love him very much as he creates peace and harmony.  Even in gay couples you see clearly a masculine and feminine playing out in the same gender, one is the feminine the other masculine.  So this diad appears the natural order.  However, when one is favoured or promoted (the masculine) then it creates a imbalance and this in my view is what has created many problems around the world.  The intuitive and feeling side of the female has been ignored yet that would have countered an over emphasis on violence and control.  The integration of the feminine and masculine will lead to peace in our world.  So I think that is worthy of further research and thought.  Balance is the key to peace between the masculine and the feminine and the honouring equally of both, this is true equality.  It has nothing to do with sameness.  

When I teach about bullying, I state those who bully are powerless they are seeking to take power as they do not feel it.  In truth it is the natural power that is real power and that is connected with virtues such as: love, compassion, humility, love, truth, empathy, awareness and so on.  I taught this in schools to help children develop values and emotional intelligence to live and work cooperatively with others (see www.worldpeacefull.com).  However, still we are looking at the surface of the problem and it is important we don’t turn it into a ‘her against him’ debate.  I really want us to learn from violence and learn the value of nonviolence through training in emotional intelligence and look for higher ways to resolve conflict.  Beneath gender inequity is powerlessness in truth.

Here is a poem I felt inspired to write tonight.  May we find peace between the genders, between the masculine and feminine and throw out the idea that one is superior to the other, both are needed in balance for the next generation.  When both are allowed to shine without competition but in harmony, what a wonderful world it will be.  I look forward to our civilisation finally evolving as I am sure a higher intelligence intended. We have come to this earth to live to our fullest potential, gender should never be a handicap, it should be celebrated in the true beauty of complements not opposites.  Let’s learn to work together for peace.  Everyone has a right to be treated as unique and equal.  I look forward to the potential being unlocked through following our highest impulses for humanity.

Interestingly when I go into the silence and seek for truth I find my inner power.  It gives me a sense of wholeness.  Truth brings me an inner feeling of unity, that is how I integrate the masculine and feminine within.  I see he as me or s/he.

Within 24 hours the universe brought me testimonials,

Without my request,

One spoke of 7 rapes in her life,

Force without love,

Entitlement and blood,

For her rights were discarded as irrelevant banter,

Another spoke of domestic violence as battery,

Another with tears in her eyes spoke of her anger at misogyny,

17 years of abuse, threats and beatings,

Attempted strangulations,

Police victimised and intimidated,

Lies in court turning innocence into justification,

Magistrates manipulated,

Protection orders violated,

And the years of psychologists strategies,

Left her without answers,

Until our eyes met.

I listened to her story,

Her Christian faith at breaking point,

A desire to smash her head to pieces,

For she was not at peace,

And I listened with love,

I waited for the dove

to land on her shoulder as the small voice that knows,

That everything in life has a meaning and opensnew windows.

The present moment is where we can work,

What has been learned is the kernel of wisdom awaiting new openings,

For she stood up for truth and didn’t back down,

She is discarding the powerless in favour of her power,

For she has served and helped and now is her time,

For to know thyself and be true,

Is where integration with self is the glue,

For pulling herself together,

Creating sunny weather,

Requires a commitment to love and freedom,

That no-one can take away,

It is to have her say and to see the promise of the iris,

In her eyes,

For her power has been in disguise,

As new beginnings are seeking her.

The bully always seeks weakness,

As weakness is the cracked mirror of the bully,

For he is divided within,

As his masculine and feminine are fighting for dominance,

He has lost his romance of dancing with difference without threat,

Instead he has become indifferent to suffering,

As responsibility walks out the door.

For the strong never take power,

They give it,

A true man gives,

A boy takes,

And this is the fake game play masquerading as masculine power,

For Robin hood was a merry man who took from the rich and gave to the poor,

As fairness was his creed and law,

Greed was the weed that obscures the light,

Growing out of control,

As it seeks to control,

What is reason-able and right.

So why this imbalance of power?

Where did men and women lose the plot?

Was it patriarchy?

Industrialisation in favour of trade skills and intellect?

Egoic dysfunction of mind identification?

For she has come to be identified as mind-less,

When emotional intelligence and intuition navigates future generations embroiding the social fabric,

For life is not a game of chess,

But a patterned weave that looms large,

For each thread is a part of the social fabric,

Each value of harmony creates the greater mosaic,

For the tapestry is the big picture of who we become,

It is the music of poetry that sings a new song,

For as we connect to the heart based intelligence we discovered what was truly strong,

To feel for the other side,

To give more than we take,

For love is selfless and for a free for all,

For she is not an economic entity but a human being,

And our world has structured its offspring on iPods,

To spring board into jobs that are tasks for the lads,

Yet we have forgotten to ask …

What is behind all the masks?

Veils of deception?

Where one pretends to be seen to be?

Yet no-one is free to simply be themselves.

Perhaps this is the a-gender of sexism,

To pull love apart and render it homeless,

As children grow up in poverty and duress,

The masculine fades away or returns renewed to address his light in the darkness,

Only he can know his violence is the shadow,

A denial of all that is weak from his head to his feet,

And this is the real enemy to defeat,

For when he does,

He will find home is where his heart is,

Love is the fire burning to warm not burn,

For one must tend the embers of neglect and learn,

Blowing new hope to rekindle love as truth,

For this is the way to rebuild the roof,

And shelter the family from what is cold,

This is his real courage that is bold,

For humility is the empathy in true reunion.

International Women’s Day,

Is to celebrate those working behind the scenes,

For what she does is unpaid and undervalued,

For it is taken for granted and unseen,

Yet women are the rainbow bridge to the future,

Peacemakers in many homes working alone,

Protecting the children from harm,

For little boys are not the head of the household,

They are still babes in their mother’s arms,

Yet patriarchy and religion has made them charmed,

And this disarmed women’s true power and respect,

She should obey and comply was chanted,

Yet equality and humanity was the gift god granted!