What is Love?

The perennial question, the search that has driven women and men crazy over their lives. This mysterious force that captures our hearts and stokes the passion that has lived dormant within us. When this word is mentioned most people would think of their children, lover, families or friends. What if I was to tell you love has nothing to do with how others make you feel? What if we were to explore love in another way. This blog will explore the other way.

Love is who you are!

A great way to envisage love is to think of an ocean. This represents all of life, as creation is formed from love. You are the wave. Another way to see this is positive ions attract, hold together and reflect physical matter. By contrast fear is the absence of love. The two cannot co-exist in the same moment as they are different energies. Fear is negatively charged particles and can be identified by the force that breaks down, pulls apart, shuts down, repels and disintegrates matter. That is why fear or negative emotions have been associated with illness and war and laughter and positive feelings with health, wellbeing and peace.

I have provided a context of yin and yang as relativity to give you a sense of love in the relative sense. here is a definition from Wikipedia about yin and yang. Really nice imagery:

“For instance, dropping a stone in a calm pool of water will simultaneously raise waves and lower troughs between them, and this alternation of high and low points in the water will radiate outward until the movement dissipates and the pool is calm once more. Yin and yang thus are always opposite and equal qualities. Further, whenever one quality reaches its peak, it will naturally begin to transform into the opposite quality: for example, grain that reaches its full height in summer (fully yang) will produce seeds and die back in winter (fully yin) in an endless cycle.“

It is impossible to talk about yin or yang without some reference to the opposite, since yin and yang are bound together as parts of a mutual whole (i.e. you cannot have the back of a hand without the front). A way to illustrate this idea is to postulate the notion of a race with only men or only women; this race would disappear in a single generation. Yet, men and women together create new generations that allow the race they mutually create (and mutually come from) to survive. The interaction of the two gives birth to things.[3] Yin and yang transform each other: like an undertow in the ocean, every advance is complemented by a retreat, and every rise transforms into a fall. Thus, a seed will sprout from the earth and grow upwards towards the sky – an intrinsically yang movement. Then, when it reaches its full potential height, it will fall.

Now to absolute love, which few of us experience in human life. It is another matter or indeed it is no matter. The space of absolute love is what I would call the non manifest reality (non physical) where all there is is love, no polarity (fear/love). Now some may say how can you say that? When I did near death research I found to my amazement all those who had died and come back had no fear of death. In their experience, which varied and included travelling down a tunnel towards the light, experienced no fear of death. In fact they said they felt an incredible light. On many occasions I heard them say it was impossible to describe this love as they had never felt it. Some call it creation, creator, god, spirit, omni, divine source, universal love and so on. They talked about reviewing their life on the other side not only from their perspective but from other perspectives. Now just stop and reflect on that. Can you imagine having a multi-dimensional perception of your life. So in fact you are experiencing it through the people you have come in contact with. That may make you think twice next time you hurt someone. Anyway through this brief sojourn into near death and the literature around it, I realised that love was the purpose of our lives.

Here is a quote from Lao Tzu the famous Chinese Philosopher (700BC) who touches on absolute love in selfless acts, commenting on the dynamic of yin and yang.

“Selfless acts, to do things without contrivance, without an agenda that benefits the self, no self, no others all is one, empty of attachment, no judgment. It all happens naturally but if the self, ego is in control of affairs and not the spirit there is no light to see our divine being, the other half. This self is in love with this spirit, yin and yang want to be together. The ego can be mean and keep these two lovers apart because the spirit is the true leader, the creative source of all things, beyond mind and words. When a person responds in extreme situations and saves others from harm that is a selfless thing that happens.“

Lao Tzu, Taoist philosophy comes from knowing the divine nature of reality (Polar complete) the understanding in part comes from returning to the original mind, spirit for knowledge that is beyond time and space. Not to get crazy it just means to recognize your shinning mind of Tao

So back to this reality. To really deeply feel love, convey it, extend it and allow it to shine forth without barriers is our goal in this life. At the same time I also understand the prison many people live in. I worked in around 400 companies and I knew how restrictive this life is, how you cannot just allow yourself to shine, people judge it, suppress it or move away as there must be something wrong or what we call in Australia ‘tall poppy syndrome’, we don’t want people to shine as it becomes a mirror to ourselves, we may feel inadequate or jealous. People think something is wrong with you if you are living your own true nature, in aliveness and hugging everyone without fear. Yet if everyone had the courage to try it, how interesting would life become. You can start by becoming a clown haha. Make whoopee as Patch Adams says.

So lets explore what that is like to love full on. As a clown I get the experience of this as society and it gives me permission to walk up to anyone and hug them. Lucky aren’t I. In fact I am so open I just feel this unbelievable feeling of love for everyone. I have no fear. I don’t care if people look away, or even appear negative, I am in a state of unconditional love, and in my way, I do laugh at the seriousness in the world around me. What happens for me is that as I put on the clown mask, their mask of formality comes off (without thinking) and they show me the twinkle in their eyes and they may play with me. The symbol of the clown typically is innocent and good intentioned, being female helps. Although there are phobias, I would say to people reading this with a phobia, you are not scared of clowns, you are scared of your thought about clowns (refer to Byron Katie and Belief ‘is it true’? blog). Children are very quick to identify and I often play with them, I understand the lightness and innocence of their energy and flow with it. As a clown I am able to see everyone as one, I don’t see culture, gender, age or deformity, I am only shining love with people and that is when I see the spark, which I love. The shining is really just happiness I feel and am sharing. This is the divine energy or the love spark that all people have within. A clown can bring it out on unsuspecting passersby. I saw it the other day as I was on the bus, when someone else dressed up as a giant cartoon figure, I found myself smiling. I thought happily, ‘that is what I do.’ So what do I feel, I feel freedom. I can do anything, go up and hug a tree, stand on a park bench, direct traffic, get pulled into shops, follow people mirroring their walk, bow at people (as they are so great), blow kisses, smile at everyone and my favourite – juggling. Did you know the pattern I make juggling is an infinity pattern (8, sideways). This is a rhythm that creates balance. As soon as I juggle I engage the left and right hemisphere’s of the brain and I feel instantly balanced and relaxed. It promotes relaxed concentration which is a form of meditation (bet you didn’t know that). I start to smile and I feel enormous joy. This I spread silently and robustly as I clown around. It is great fun and I have no thoughts running through my head, I am 100% in the moment, my only thought is observing and experiencing the love that I feel, non stop. So that gives you an idea of living love full on.

In the world we are in, fear and love oscillates in moments and that is what creates the limits and expansiveness of life. We are at choice with which one we choose. To find peace in a riot is a sign of mastery and fearlessness.

So love is a state of being it is not a doing to be loved, you are the source of it. There are moments when I walk through life and feel ‘in love’ with life and myself. I am so happy with my life and what I’ve learned. I kid you not, I really feel the love. It is wonderful and uplifting. Always love starts with yourself. It is not about vanity or success or how others respond to you, it is how you respond to yourself. True love within comes from you giving yourself permission to be who you are. Much of the unhappiness, frustration and pent up anger comes from feeling you can’t do what you want. You have a mortgage, children, health problems, no education or whatever you perceive limits you. What if I was to suggest to you that you can. What if you were able to visualise the life you wanted as if it is happening now. This is something I am still working on, but I have had some successes. I visualised my world trip in 2010, I visualised the $10,000 I needed and blow me down I was offered to work as a researcher for $10,000 exactly. I also found Patch Adams, we had much in common, I wrote to him, desired to clown with him, was invited to Russia on the next clown trip. I felt I had to create it as I had no money, and whallah, someone gave me $7,500 to go. A peson I clowned with once at Canberra hospital. She said it is the trip of a lifetime, you must go. Another experience was when I wanted to go and study Peace and Conflict Studies in Bangkok. I was knocked back by about 5 Rotary Clubs, some saying I was ineligible, others left their roles and a range of other reasons. Then I met a woman to talk about laughter clubs, ended up outside her car doing dress ups on the street in front of a restaurant, we ended up clowning together for the sheer fun of it, we went into a restaurant, clowned around the area, came back to the car and the President of Rotary comes out and invites us to their Christmas in July party as entertainment. My friend was funny she pulled off her wig and said seriously that will be $200 each I think, I just laughed at her business acumen. I submitted my application to this Rotary Club for the Rotary course in Bangkok. I had even just moved into their catchment that week and saw an illuminated Rotary sign. How often do you see a Rotary sign lite up. I laughingly told my friend I think I see a sign haha. I even went to a Thai restaurant and the staff gave me brochures, again it reinforced that I will be going. Carl Jung the famous Swiss Psychoanalyst would call that synchronicity. The following week Rotary interviewed me on radio, realised I was the real mcCoy and I went to a final Rotary International, District and local club meeting as a clown. I had no choice I had a clown gig before and after. I sit down at the meeting and off goes my whoopee cushion, I had to laugh and said to them, this meeting will be different. The whole energy of the place changes as it was no longer formal. They agreed to award me the scholarship and off to Thailand I went. This was paid for by Rotary. So these are a few clear examples, call them fate or creation or whatever, the reality is they happened and it was not a direct, linear goal. So what I am showing you here is to have a bit of faith that the world is not linear and you do not have to work hard for everything you want, I give you permission to have fun. Be what it is you desire and watch it come. Maybe not in the exact form you see, but something will happen if you are clear, focussed and in a state of knowingness (it has arrived). That is the magic.

When I did my world trip as a clown, I became in reality the World Peace Clown I had talked about since I started being a clown. I was always a World Peace Clown, I just knew it and talked about it as reality. So the knowing is central. You have to be open to the impossible. I’ve not had much money but it hasn’t stopped me having a great life. I chose to become a clown as I loved it, I didn’t give a second thought to money, I did it for free. I had no idea it would be the central passion for being, in a sense, an ambassador for peace. Love and peace just merged naturally together. I realised I just love peace and peace for me is love. That is who we are.

When we feel really happy we just love to give and expand the smiles, that is how you know you are in alignment with life. When you are depressed, you are missing the truth about your life. It could be to accept what is happening to you as a lesson, or to investigate what it is, to communicate to others about the situation or to allow and let go. Every life is different but you can choose to live in love or fear, in any situation.

In Russia with Dr. Patch Adams we visited orphanages, nursing homes and went on the streets. The energy around 40 clowns was magic and I never had so much fun in my life. I wondered at the alcohol and drugs people take to seek to have this euphoria, but it is not the real thing, it is addictive and expensive with a high social cost. I told a drug addict recently that life is not meant to be all happy, that when facing our challenges we work through the obstacles and find happiness there. You can’t avoid the challenges of life. To mute it out is missing half the fun. I did my greatest poetry when I was struggling with a problem, I found the answers within myself and it become my greatest strength. So how can I say I regret the situation, it was my greatest teacher, I feel nothing but gratitude to the person who I felt caused my pain.

I say to people, find the joy in your life, you won’t need anything synthetic, you will just want more and more of the natural high, that is endless. Patch Adams travels the world with clowns to bring joy to Haitians (after earthquake), Palestinians, Costa Ricans, South Americans, Australians and the list goes on. He spreads love and joy and encourages those with him to experience two weeks of loving service in what he terms is a tribe like setting (small group). He explains that loving service is natural but in a world living in fear it seems extraordinary that we do it for free and with open hearts. This reveals how out of alignment the world is from its true bounty. We respond to fear through creating money systems where we have to work, rather than live our potential. I cannot express in words how important it is to stop watching television, to spend time meditating or alone and get into the life fully, no matter the imagined risks.

Visualise what you want, find ways to ‘be it’, it draws your dreams to you. I am a peace clown and I love writing about peace, this is not a labour of love, this is the inspiration that I can’t wait to express. That is how I know it is true love. This is the love we are all seeking, it never can be sustained through relationships, relationships are just shared opportunities to express our love, they are never about extracting love from others. That is the mistake many make when they expect their lover to be, do and have what they want. True love is freedom and has no desire to control the other or trap them. True love allows others to walk their path and focuse on their own truth. If that lover wants to leave, then love allows that with much joy, as you want them to feel happy. Love takes full responsibility for the world and chooses to follow their heart. There is nothing more magical than that.

So that is an overview of what I feel is love. This was inspired as I just wrote it without a pause. Love inspires me.

So go live your magic, believe in the impossible.

There is no failure all life is successive.

I believe in you. I love you.