Afghanistan: Acid attack on girls face an honour or abuse of human rights?

I felt strongly to comment on this article below of an acid attack on an Afghan girl in Afghanistan refusing a marriage proposal. The result was the horrific disfigurement of this girl, her sisters and their parents by a group of men. The issue of revenge concerns me, I wonder where is forgiveness and understanding? There would be no need for justice if understanding and acceptance was the first response as accepting the girl’s right to choose. Imagine if the man was encouraged by his family to forgive his offended feelings rather than projecting his pain onto an innocent person. What we see is ‘revenge’ which is a negative energy that arises in people when they feel hurt, this negative feeling through custom seeks to make the other person pay (to feel pain) or what is termed revenge. In this case, revenge was the use of acid to physically damage her face, preventing her chance of being married, as she will be viewed as ugly. In these types of societies women have to be married, it is part of social acceptance and economic survival. This attack is because a man’s ego is offended. To be clear ego expresses as a pain body (refer Eckhart Tolle for rationale), it feels negative (angry, jeolous, frustrated, judgement). The spiritual self, which is where positive emotions flow through, feels loving, tender, empathetic, understanding and peaceful. When people become aware of their emotions, they can know if they are in fear (negativity) or love (positivity) and to look closely at the thoughts. Are those thoughts violent or peaceful. Only peace connects to god, indeed it is god.

Honour is the word translated into English which is used as the reason why violent acts have taken place against women. These women can be sisters, mothers, relatives or strangers. The man feels his honour has been offended. Revenge or pay back is the mode used to deliver what is perceived as, justice.

The definition of honour in English from wikipedia, is as follows.

Honour or honor (see spelling differences; from the Latin word honos, honoris) is an abstract concept entailing a perceived quality of worthiness and respectability that affects both the social standing and the self-evaluation of an individual or corporate body such as a family, school, regiment or nation.

Honour refers to a person’s perceived worthiness and respectability in respect to self and society. If a marriage rejection is perceived to lower a man’s worth or respectability, then he is attaching his value to the approval of a woman. I find this interesting give a person’s value is inalienable. We are born equal, of equal value. So this is a cultural/societal perception that has no bearing on a person’s true value. To make women responsible for a man’s honour (feelings of self worth), is for men to not take personal responsibility for their feelings and how they interpret a situation. I see this as the central core issue to honour reprisals and killings.

Again, in English if we look at the definition of Justice, here is a short version from Wikipedia. It states ‘Just behavior or treatment. The quality of being fair and reasonable.’

Is pouring acid in a woman’s face because she says ‘no’ to marriage justice? Is it fair that she is disfigured for the rest of her life. That not only is the potential for love taken from her life, but friends, confidence, self esteem and self value.

Turning to the article about acid thrown into the faces of girls. The first thing I see when looking at the two girls in the photo – I see in their faces innocence. As a woman it is difficult to understand firstly, why families marry off young girls who haven’t even entered womanhood or have the maturity to decide if this is the man they wish to share their intimate life with. Marriage and children is not a small decision, it has implications for the future and the future lives of children. Marriage and sexuality in my experience, is about initial attraction then deep love which is the human bond between men and women as equals and the foundation of a strong family. Deep love when real between men and women is the first real experience of god in the human experience, anything superficial will never capture the divine essence of humans in a union. If you do not feel spiritually attracted by a man or compatiable through your personality the marriage will be unhappy and tense, based on roles, and empty of love, this becomes the values which are the foundation of family. The family is the foundation of peace in the world. Women tend to escape this unhappiness by pouring their love into their children. The males can become jealous or disinterested in their relationship, or like their wives focus on the children and other family members or friends. This has been my observation in my experience.

In the case of marriage for girls and women, many can be arranged from 7 years old up to their twenties. These days there are some professional women marrying later, a friend of mine is in her 30’s and she is a Muslim and academic. I spent time with this woman educating her about sex and relationships, as she had no experience. That was a disadvantage for her, as men often do. In the case of young girls they are not sexually mature and not experienced or empowered to choose the man. So they learn early they have no rights to choose, the family decide and the men in the home and society, are the authority. This is the first distortion of our true nature. Thus, the first night with their husband (a virtual stranger who may not be a virgin) is one of forced sex, and some would not be sexually active or pubescent (before puberty). This forced experience becomes the pain that defines what intimate life with a man is like. I knew an Afghan women who hated sex and pledged she would never marry again. She was married to her sister’s husband at 13. Her sister had died. She inherited 3 children and she was a child herself, the fact she is female assumes she knows how to parent, hence guide children on how to be decent people in a society. She had a further 4 children, total of 7 all together. That is a lot of work. Her husband was killed and she was on her own with children. She had a gun given all the shelling of Kabul. In her older years I spoke to her of finding love, I could see in her eyes she could not conceive of a loving intimate relationship. Her experience of marriage was hard physical work, child bearing and rearing. She had no voice, so would say very little. Although she had strong political views and felt her country had been destroyed by violent men and warlords coupled with outside influences. There was no sense of humanity. She felt bitter. She died of cancer, losing both breasts, at 53. She was a dear friend to me and mother.

Before marriage women get virginity tests to make sure they are pure. In Australia there would be an outrage if this was imposed. Purity in my view, is love, nothing else. Sex is beautiful and natural when honoured. In many countries marriage is a bondage or form of property ownership, not betrothed as equals. The child or woman has no rights in the bed room, just be a dutiful wife and give the husband what he wants and when he wants sex. Women, from what I’ve been told and witnessed, are educated to serve their husbands and guests, as servants. I joined in with Afghan women and watched the men being served. I found it interesting. I’ve watched it in my culture, although men are changing here. In my viewpoint, the man loses in this arrangement if the woman doesn’t love him nor feel equal. Deep down he would know this and become frustrated as he can’t force love. Love comes through consideration, kindness and chemistry. He may get a young girl with no experience who thinks that this is all there is to sex and married life, her life is given to others rather than a life as an expression of god’s love. When love is present in your household, god is present, if not, then you have separated from your god. I am speaking generally and acknowledge I have witnessed marriages where the husband and wife have worked out how to get along together. I have seen wonderful husband’s too that are kind and serving of their wives. I am speaking of the belief systems that shapes marriage in the first instance. Many do not expect to fall in love, they see it as an arrangement between families and has social and economic aspects. There are those who fall in love, many stories here, but their families get in the way of this love for cultural or financial reasons, and the lovers are torn apart. Look at Bollywood films, it is all about forbidden love. Look at poetry and art, all about human passions denying love. I find this as deeply saddening as I have experienced being in love and there is no greater feeling then loving your partner and being loved back. You feel the oneness the mystics speak of. It is the best way for children to grow up, to witness love in the home, to see parents show affection which is natural, we were made this way. Certainly in my culture, there is much to be learned about love and nonviolence, but that is another blog. This blog is focusing on violence against women in Islam.

The practice of disfiguring girls and women with acid attacks or beating them up as projected male frustration and suppressed emotions is extraordinary violence. I wonder if the men involved, can for one moment, feel empathy for the women they attack and the intense pain and fear they go through. Or do they stand justified by their family and friends, that they restored their honour by not honouring another’s right to say no. This of course, is not respect or peace on earth. These practices occur in Pakistan and Afghanistan and other muslim countries where extreme islam is practiced. I have met many women fleeing violence and desperately leaving their countries, if lucky with their children, to get away from the ignorance and violence. I have been told it is a religion of peace, this type of behaviour is not peace, it destroys families.

The freedom of thought is not a western idea, it is natural to being human, we are born free and all think differently and ultimately we know if we feel good or not about a situation. Sorrow and happiness point to if we are true or not to ourselves and true nature. When we make choices on the bases of our highest interests, this is real freedom and it impacts others in positive ways. My understanding of god, is that god is love and my life is supported in ways you cannot predict. We are here to live to our lives to the highest potential and serve our fellow human beings – children, women and men (and other life forms). Neither is superior to the other. We have man made rules which have created inequality, this is where the violence starts as unfairness.

For those reading this and possibly viewing it as a western perspective, my former partner was Afghan and he explained to me through his experience the loss of freedom women experienced in Afghanistan. I was also friends with his mother, brothers and sisters. The sisters were doctors. He showed me a side of his culture that was truly inspirational, where people came together and ate, sang and enjoyed each other’s company. Where when one child would leave the family, all would cry. Through him, I learned of the deep bonds and love for family and hospitality, that when contrasted with my own culture, I found empty in my own experience. He explained to me about the Taliban and how they were the orphan children of war with the Soviets and raised in madrasses (religious schools) in Peshawar. He told me these children didn’t have normal parent role models and were taught the Quran in arabic, translated through mullahs, rather than Persian or Pashto their native language. They had no idea of what was normal, they learned the Quran and believed this was the word of god. I have explained to many people god is not a word, it is a feeling, when I love I know god is present. Originally the civilisation of Afghanistan had sufi’s as their inspiration, receiving direct inspiration from god rather than translated through religious teachers. I was informed about the fact that baby girls were killed because they were not as valued as male children. How females were not considered worth educating, they worked with their mothers and boys were given the focus of education and work. This is hard to hear when you are a woman with a bachelor’s degree, post graduate qualifications and have lived and supported yourself, as your society accords you equal status. So when you listen to stories of women who do not have these opportunities your mind turns to the great talent of women lost and indeed the veil becomes a shroud or bondage to who they really are.

Some say women do not have equal intelligence to men. In my case, I was told I was unintelligent possibly good with my hands (making things). I didn’t read much until 17 years old. At 21 I took myself back to high school for one year and then paid for myself to go through university. I worked in approximately 400 companies as a temporary worker in administration roles. We call it contract work here. After I graduated with my Business/Economics degree I worked as a market research analyst studying corporate strategy and recommending courses of action for around 10 years. I have been a radio producer in the media, interviewing politicians, guru’s, activists, anyone that was communicating about peace in this world. By my own volition, I have jumped out of a plane at 10,000 feet to overcome fear. What I learned was to face fear and that I am not in control, I saw that life is moving me. I felt a calling in my life to work for peace and became a peace clown. I actually dreamed I was teaching peace. After travelling to Russia with Dr. Patch Adams (American clown doctor) I felt strongly to design a universal values based peace, nonviolence and anti-bullying program for girls and boys to reach their full potential and to live as citizens sharing and contributing to their society. The program was called REAL HOPES which was an acronym for: Responsibility, Empathy, Awareness, Love, Honesty, Oneness, Peace, Enjoyment and Service. The children were taught values and they learned about inner power, caring about others, perception, kindness, telling the truth, that we are on one planet, nature, non-discrimination, war and peace, happiness and to serve others. My feeling is when you connect to universal values you are in alignment with truth or god, you will naturally serve society. I taught them to critically think, that is to ask questions, not as a mark of disrespect but to understand why things are and for adults to explain honestly their view and allow children to form their own views. I taught philosophy and had games and activities which linked to values in daily life. Values are within us all, they are natural and they create unity. The values I teach are not cultural, they are human values we are born with. For example if I see a person crying or suffering I feel empathy, I want to go and help them, I know how it feels. If I feel love, I feel to give, as love shares and cares. If I speak the truth I feel happy within myself as I am not deceiving anyone and honouring my truth. I use a mirror ball to explain truth. There are little mirrors all over the ball, each one is a person and the ball is the earth. When we look into the ball we can’t see ourselves as all the little mirrors distort what we see (many truths in the world), so I give them one mirror each as only they know themselves. To thyself be true is the key. It teaches children to honour the diversity of truth in the world. As no person knows the absolute truth, we have to learn to live together with differences. Peace is balance when we learn to accept others and respect their path. I won a scholarship to study peace and conflict studies with the world’s experts in Bangkok, Thailand. I went to places of disputation in Asia and clowned in my time in slums, HIV clinics, hospitals and on the streets. I did this to connect with people as equals and bring happiness, conveying to them that people care about their situation. I realised human connection and equality was the real peace in this world. Really feeling an emotional connection and honouring all people. When you feel for people you won’t harm them, you will help them, that is what I saw. I also write philosophy and poetry as I try to understand more deeply about who I am and what is life about. That is my freedom expressed without outside influences, that is when nature is allowed to move my life not cultures, customs or gender divisions of male and female.

Given my freedom of choice, I then travelled the world alone as a peace clown, visiting 20 countries and staying with locals and I had not much money and no financial support from family or friends. People said as a woman it was unsafe, but I was unafraid. Of course, nothing happened, only kindness was what I received. I then returned to my country and felt strongly to connect with the planet as the environment and climate are changing and I wish to take responsibility for my part. I also wanted to offer my conflict resolution skills to schools. I drove 9,000km alone around Australia. I emailed schools to let them know I could come and teach children by donation or free. I offered peace education, conflict resolution, sustainability and clowning around. I did have freedom to make decisions and decide how to live my life the way I wanted and asking god what is wanted from my life, how I can truly serve. This wouldn’t be possible in a country where women’s roles are to marry and have children, I would be too busy running around after kids and basics. I chose not to have children, therefore, I was free to work for society and follow a higher calling.

When I hear of the wasted and abused female lives locked into cultures where they are not free to choose I see humanity as losing overall. Do you not think there are female Einstein’s out there? or great spiritual guru’s who are female? engineers? inventors? artists? philosophers? Do you think that women are just for having babies and cleaning a house to serve men? I would ask you to think again. I can assure you the potential of women is great indeed and they are equal partners.

The challenge in today’s world where discrimination is practiced as normal in some cultures (my own is not excluded), the message to men (and some women) in to look honestly at your restrictive practices, feelings of insecurity (not good enough) and customs that harm others or restrict them from choosing what they want. I ask is this god? For god is love, and love shares, heals, reveals and cares. It is unity of all people, where they live in happiness as community which is deeply supportive and loving. Love is not tyranny in any form. This is incredibly important for children as they watch their parents fight and their mother’s or father’s abused and it deeply affects them as they see violence modelled. They may learn it, copy it or choose to go the opposite way. In my view, god does not commit violence against its own creation. God created all equally to love each other and learn from mistakes. This is the truth for those who wish to hear it. It feels good. I, myself, was not raised with religion, god found me was my experience and I came to see and experience god as love. That is why I felt I could do anything, I felt freedom, god is that.

The Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR) was compiled by a woman Eleanor Roosevelt, the former First Lady to President Franklin D. Roosevelt. This occurred in the violent aftermath of the Second World War. The UDHR is argued by some to be a western document that focuses on individual rights not applicable to those from group oriented cultures. I don’t see it in that way. It is a blueprint for how to treat people and ensure peace, of course it must start from each person which affects the group, community and the world.

Eleanor Roosevelt’s concern for humanity made her the driving force behind the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. Her leadership of the Commission on Human Rights led to the composition of a Declaration that has endured as a universally accepted standard of achievement for all nations. As our respect for and understanding of the Universal Declaration has grown, so too has our gratitude and admiration for this modest woman who passionately persued what she imagined would become a cornerstone in the struggle for human rights and fundamental freedoms for everyone – everywhere.

Eleanor Roosevelt states:

“Where, after all, do universal human rights begin? In small places, close to home – so close and so small that they cannot be seen on any maps of the world. Yet they are the world of the individual person; the neighborhood he lives in; the school or college he attends; the factory, farm, or office where he works. Such are the places where every man, woman, and child seeks equal justice, equal opportunity, equal dignity without discrimination. Unless these rights have meaning there, they have little meaning anywhere. Without concerted citizen action to uphold them close to home, we shall look in vain for progress in the larger world.” http://www.udhr.org/history/Biographies/bioer.htm

To see the UDHR articles go to http://www.un.org/en/documents/udhr/.

For those who want to awaken, it is time to change as our world is definitely changing with or without you. You can stay in the old paradigm or shift to something that truly honours god, love and the planet and all beings. This is a place where we truly live in peace.

The following article is the acid attack on the young afghan girls and family. This is followed by statements by Muslim women about the Quran and its advocacy of equality between women and men and nonviolence.

http://au.news.yahoo.com/thewest/a/-/world/12229608/afghan-rape-victim-may-marry-attacker/

A teenage girl and her family were sprayed with acid after apparently rejecting a marriage proposal for her.

In the acid attack, a 17-year-old girl called Mumtaz was seriously injured when caustic liquid was sprayed on her face by masked gunmen who broke into her home in the northern city of Kunduz, Afghanisan, late on Sunday, her father said.

Her mother and four sisters also suffered burns in the attack after they were splashed with the acid aimed at Mumtaz, Sultan Mohammad said.

“It was midnight,” Mohammad said from his hospital bed.

“They entered my home by force, they started beating me and put me in a big bag. They moved in and started beating my wife and daughters and before leaving, they sprayed acid on my daughter’s face.”

Mumtaz was seriously injured and remains in hospital.

Mumtaz, who is hardly able to speak and is also still in hospital, added: “First they beat me, they beat my mother and sisters and then they threw acid on my face.”

Mohammad blamed a former militia commander who had proposed marriage to Mumtaz but was rejected by the family.

“A man asked for her hand. We rejected (him) and our daughter was engaged to someone else. I suspect that man might be behind this,” he said.

The attackers fled the scene before the police arrived.

Afghan Interior Minister Bismullah Mohammadi has “personally ordered” police to investigate and “administer justice to those responsible”, his office said.

A rejected marriage proposal is said to have triggered the attack. Photo: Reuters

Elsewhere in Afghanistan, President Hamid Karzai has ordered the release of a woman who was jailed for adultery after being raped – but she now faces having to marry her attacker.

The move came after some 5000 people signed a petition for the release of the woman, named Gulnaz, who has served two years in prison after a relative raped her at her home.

She has been raising the child she had by her attacker in a prison cell in Kabul.

The case again highlights the poor state of women’s rights in Afghanistan, 10 years after a US-led invasion ousted the Taliban who were notorious for their harsh laws against women.

Following the outcry over Gulnaz’s case, Karzai called a meeting where judicial officials decided to pardon her, presidential spokesman Aimal Faizi said on Thursday.

But the officials also said that Gulnaz should marry the man who attacked her, due to fears she could be in danger if released because of the stigma surrounding her attack in ultra-conservative Afghanistan.

She consented to the union, Faizi added.

“She agreed to the marriage but only if his (the attacker’s) sister marries Gulnaz’s brother,” the spokesman added, explaining that this was a way to try to ensure Gulnaz was not attacked by the man in future.

Faizi insisted that her release from prison was not dependent on her agreeing to marry the attacker.

Violence against women in Afghanistan appears to be increasing rather than decreasing, despite billions of dollars of international aid that has poured into the country during the decade-long war.

The Afghan Independent Human Rights Commission logged 1026 cases of violence against women in the second quarter of 2011 compared with 2700 cases for the whole of 2010.

Some 87 per cent of Afghan women report having experienced physical, sexual or psychological violence or forced marriage, according to figures quoted in an October report by the charity Oxfam.

Last week, the United Nations said that a landmark law aiming to protect women against violence in Afghanistan had only been used to prosecute just more than 100 cases since being enacted two years ago.

http://www.mwlusa.org/topics/violence&harrassment/violence.html

This is an article by Muslim Women’s League.

An Islamic Perspective on Violence Against Women

by Muslim Women’s League
March 1995

While women in many parts of the world have made advances in areas previously closed to them, the problem of violence against women remains pervasive. Unfortunately, this violence takes many forms and occurs across national, cultural, racial, and religious borders.

Islam condemns all forms of violence against women. The basic Islamic premise of equality between women and men cannot be achieved so long as violence against women persists.

In pre-Islamic Arabia violence against women began at birth in the form of female infanticide. Islam prohibited the practice of female infanticide. Not only did the Quran prohibit this practice, it also mocks those who view the birth of a girl child with contempt. (Quran 16:58-59).

Another common form of violence against women is that committed by husbands on their wives. Islam requires that husbands treat their wives with respect and it prohibits any form of physical or emotional abuse. The Quran requires that spouses treat each other with love and mercy. (Quran 30:21). Moreover, the Quran repeatedly warns against the use of injurious statements by a husband against his wife. (Quran 58:2-4).

Rape, unfortunately, remains a common form of violence against women. In addition, the woman is often blamed for being the victim of rape. Islam views rape as a violent crime against the victim, against society, and against God. The perpetrator has committed a crime and hence is morally and legally responsible. The victim is an unwilling partner in the sex act and thus bears neither blame nor stigma. To either ostracize or condemn the victim because she was compelled to engage in sexual intercourse is against the laws of Islam as the victim was an unwilling, and therefore, a blameless participant.

In addition to the violence that women are subjected to during times of peace, women are particularly vulnerable during times of war. Islam condemns violence against women no matter what the circumstances. War is no exception. Prophet Muhammad was strict in ensuring that noncombatants, primarily women and children, were not harmed during war time.

Female genital mutilation, another form of violence against women, has no basis in Islam. Rather, it is a cultural practice which must be eliminated through education and the empowerment of women.

Likewise, forced prostitution is another form of violence against women with no basis in Islam and which must be eradicated through the empowerment of women.

Islam’s mandate of equality between women and men necessitates that all forms of violence against women be eradicated, for so long as women suffer abuses, women cannot achieve their full potential as free and equal members of society.