Suicide is Not About Wanting to End Your Life

I think it is very important that people understand suicide and not run from the discussion.  It is important to understand that a person feeling to suicide is seeking a way out of pain, this is more accurate.  They are seeking freedom from the pain and they believe there will be peace if they die. 

I’ve wanted to end my life over a hundred times due to silent treatment which blocked resolution of a conflict.  Silence is a form of exclusion, refusal to address concerns and indifference to suffering.  The longer it goes on the more it alienates it is a form of abuse when behaviours don’t change.

In my case what hurt the most was ‘no response’ to my open and painful disclosures where all I wanted was dialogue to be heard and to understand.  I felt a growing powerlessness which communicated a lack of worth to me.  What really astounded me was further hurtful actions in the knowledge of how precarious my life was.   It is a behaviour that has forced me to think very deeply about the disconnection of others as I contemplate peace in our world.  I would ask – if it was their child, their partner or someone they cared about who wanted to suicide would they behave the same?  How would they feel then?  It is to stand in the shoes of others, this is empathy which is a natural response that actually prevents abuse and suicide.  It is empathy that saves lives.  Detachment creates the very emotional isolation that is unhealthy.

I feel the solution is to teach society how to feel again empathetically and to learn to respond proactively. To learn to dialogue with others when it is known that person is suffering to the point of suicide due to lack of communication or a deliberate strategy to shut down a person.  Just because a person doesn’t end up suiciding this does not lessen the seriousness of this issue.  If you cannot act on this then contact someone who can.  

I even found those in authority on learning of my homeless situation, suicidal feelings and cancer refused to release my superannuation so I could live on something.  I was a conscientious objector to the Job Provider system (welfare) as I am aware of corruption and I can’t take money from a system that allows this.  It goes against my fundamental beliefs.  So I was indeed in a difficult situation.  However, I have a strong spiritual life and it is in this space that I find the strength to endure all hardships. I have an intense feeling of unconditional love which has saved my life many times as it brings into my life a resilience and compassion for those who I feel catalysed the hardship. Forgiveness is essential.

I have no problem with feeling for others and responding empathetically but I have seen clearly the difficulty others have. That tells me a lot about their emotional landscape. 

My videos below I produced when I felt I wanted to end my life.  I shared my life as a service to humanity so people understand the reality and do something when they hear disclosures no matter the dispute or situation.  It is a duty of care of all citizens to respond.  I still feel the pain when I focus here, so I try not to.

The first video is about a project to prevent suicide.

My desire to suicide was encapsulated in the two videos below.  It gives insights into the struggle to deal with it.

Patch Adams a Light in My Life  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hkDeHw-Gso

Bullying Series Part 6: SPEAK UP about Suicide, Bullying, Toxic Cultures and REAL HOPE https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvMsv8Q9FfM