Problem Solving: Active Listening

This was information I was provided with when I studied Peace and Conflict Studies at Chulalongkorn University in Bangkok, Thailand.

Listening is critical. Interestingly we can hear a person but not listen. When I conducted activities called concentric circles, people had to sit in two circles – inner and outer. They would face the person in front of them. They would listen without interruption for 2 minutes and then reflect back what they recalled. It was a great exercise as people realised they don’t really listen, they interpret and take the little pieces they relate to. I don’t know how many times I have sat there trying to remember exactly what was said. So if we haven’t heard how can we identify the problem. In conflict situations people form positions very quickly on the basis of what they believe, they can become entrenched in those beliefs. The wonderful aspect of conflict resolution is to teach skills to listen, to reflect, to ask questions and to solve problems. So listening is the first step.

FOUR WAYS TO LISTEN EFFECTIVELY

Listening takes effort. Give the speaker your full attention. Be patient: the average person speaks abut 125 words per minute, but can listen to 400 words per minute. Put aside your own views and opinions for the time being.

1. Use your body to say “I’m listening”

60% of communication is non-verbal.

– Make frequent eye contact.
– Keep your body oriented toward the speaker.
– Nod your head.
– Say “yeah,” “uh huh,” “I see” etc…

2. Ask Questions to clarify, to find out more

– Ask open-ended questions, using a non-threatening tone of voice.

3. Paraphrase and “Backtrack”

– Restate what the speaker has said in your own words.
– Describe sympathetically, do not evaluate or judge.
– Focus on the speaker. “You ….”
– Include both facts and feelings.
– Repeat key phrases or sentences exactly as the speaker has spoken them. This confirms to the speaker that he/she has been ear, and helps to keep the discussion focused.

“So, you believe strongly that…”
“The way you see it,….”
“You were very unhappy when…”
“You felt quite angry with…”
“What I hear you saying is you….”

4. Summarize the basic viewpoints of the speaker as you have heard them.

– This is an extended restatement of key points of information. The focus of the summary is on issues and solvable problems, not on personalities. Summarize sympathetically, don’t judge, evaluate or give solutions.
– Ask the speaker if your summary is accurate AND complete.