Returning to Eden

I am a caretaker at a homeless womens hostel. It is a new experience for me and I have to say I don’t have any thoughts of being better or worse than these women. I know what it is like to have no home, to not feel supported and to go it alone. I know what it is like to not have money and to find myself constantly thinking of how to survive. I have known what it is like to not want to go on. So I feel it is good I am here. I asked my highest love in my life to help me to be of service here. That somehow I may touch their lives and give hope. Some are coming to me and I feel the compassion. I am not in judgement as I see no-one as a failure, the only failure is to see their own greatness. I am becoming aware of the drug and alcohol problems and violence against women, I see them as my teachers. I have no doubt I am here to learn. I am also here to give. Even when I find myself a compassionate ear, I find there is no advice, only empathy waiting for them. My love needs no condition, it is just there around us in the moment.

I had another conversation with a women regarding a room to rent. She had been a successful dancer and entertainer, very beautiful and wise she was. I sat in the gratitude of being entrusted with her story and her own disappointments and the high of her life being reunited with her son, I felt a tear in my eye as I imagined this grown son’s heartfelt anticipation to meet his mum after 30 or more years. He searched for 10 years. I thought of the strong family bonds and this women’s dedication to her other son and her pride when she thought of both sons. She parted from her partner and finds she is drawn to meditation and a deep awareness of earth changes. This story I hear more and more these days. As I nod there is this shared recognition that each knows. I don’t see coincidences, I know that I am meant to meet this person. We speak of the world the wars, the violence, the lack of compassion and moral loss. Yet I see the desire to bring something positive to life for the world to see. I express I teach peace rather as my way of bringing something good. She points out she doesn’t want to add to the negative. That is certainly the wisdom.

The next few years much turmoil will come to the surface to face. If you have deeply buried some angst, fear, my recommendation is find your courage and look squarely and fairly at yourself. Don’t come down hard because you feel guilt, but understand you are human and the past is the past. We can go visit people and say sorry, which is not a weakness, it is a great strength and simply says to the other I care. Words left unspoken or cruel words can leave scars for a lifetime, release people from the burdens and be a light in the darkness.

I wrote this tonight after listening to a sad story and the feeling of being entrusted with sharing this burden. The person apologised for burdening me, for me it was not an intrusion, it was a priviledge to be the one they trusted to share. Everyone is an angel.

I actually was feeling sad and I just finished the poem tonight. I feel I wrote parts of it for me, I felt my own wisdom healing my broken heart. I started to feel the love flow back into self a reflective pool of Eden. Poetry is such a treasure. I am supported always.

RETURNING TO EDEN

Many teachers walked through my life today,
To share with me their insights,
From the book of their extraordinary lives,
They shared a leaf in the tree of their knowledge,
opening flowers for me through the petals of insights,
The rich aroma of what they learned permeated my awareness,
As they scattered many seeds some took root,
The brilliance, the colours, the blooms and the droughts,
Contexts moving between the dark and light
opening and closing to certainty and doubts,
As I sat in gratitude at the feet
masters each and every one,
Giving me the opportunity to share my gift
Of understanding.

The sweet feeling of empathy is not hard to reach,
For I have felt homeless in the structures of society,
I have felt destitute in the side streets leading to cul-de-sacs,
I have felt isolated and alone on islands of indifference,
Yet I have chosen to be my own person,
I have sought independence and trust,
To travel without convention or road map,
Yet to watch for the bumps on the road,
That serve to slow me down,
That are not there for safety,
but serve to make me think,
about the end of the road ahead.

Anyone can fall through the cracks,
Can find themselves on the margins,
For security is a thin façade,
In any moment life can change,
One can fall ill or become saddened,
You can fall to your knees in submission,
Short changed with no permission,
Estranged as no-one listens,
Out on a limb in the darkest forest.

Yet when you fall will someone pick you up?
Dust you off and take you home,
To re-mind you of lifes treasures,
That there are many shoulders on the road,
As we come close to edges at times,
Yet the shoulder keeps you on the road,
For your life is the journey,
And if you high beam your headlights,
A golden nugget is glimmering to be discovered,
Of priceless value and endless abundance,
For you are alive and each a teacher that lives,
For in truth every sorrow leaves us homeless,
Until joy come home to providence,
To find you are the source of sustenance,
That can never be denied or withheld by others,
For we only withhold love to ourselves,
Entombed within tarnished beliefs,
Drowning in self doubt.

So this is a poem for the lost,
The lonely,
The homeless,
The bereaved,
Those carrying burdens of great loss,
Know you did your best,
You never failed,
For sometimes life appears unfair and stale,
That people appear to not care,
Yet all have their beast of burden,
Hearts heavy with blame and shame,
Many wish to escape to greener pastures,
Yet to find they take the past into the future,
Until we look at the deepest source of our pain,
as the present.

When we turn within the windmills of the mind,
We find time to comfort the small child inside,
Remember the beauty in your innocent eyes,
Place your arms around the endless sighs,
For you must let go of your mistakes and misdemeanors,
And those of the another,
For each is a rare diamond,
Sent to teach us about ourselves,
Through the mirror of our own reflection.

Remember each bump is part of the road,
All roads lead to Home,
Yet some need maintenance,
Some are dusty with potholes,
Some need grading as they are not up to speed,
Others appear as roads to nowhere,
Yet you are meant to be nowhere (now here),
And you cannot avoid the holes,
You have to face your inner judge and jury
with understanding,
And love yourself in return,
For pain seeks wisdom,
And wisdom comes from pain,
As the truth leads us out of the prison cell
To find peace making,
Is dream keeping,
And that dreams can come true.

You may find yourself in the eye of the storm,
misty eyes,
mystified,
And for a moment clarity comes
then goes,
Then the turmoil returns like a jealous lover,
Full of fury and destruction raging in circles,
Just face the hurricane without fear,
Shed the tears as you must,
For rain always follows a storm,
And know it to will pass,
And you will find your home again,
In the miracle of renewal.

For you my friend are a teacher of life,
You decide the lesson you learn and then teach,
For there is no greater teacher than life,
For life reveals the mystery, the puzzle and the jigsaw,
And as you get it together,
You work it out,
Then students will hear your message,
Coming around your table for insight,
For they are carrier pigeons on the winds of time.

So please forgive those who hurt you,
For they know not what they do,
Forgiveness is for-giving,
As you release yourself from the tether of anger,
Release the dove of peace into your own life,
In freedom,
Lead by example and dwell not on the past,
Heal yourself through loving kindness,
Heed your own advice,
For what we advise we need to hear,
For we know our own counsel,
The pearls of wisdom lie silently beneath your hard shell,
Awaiting the right moment to be illuminated,
And when you listen to the ocean breeze through your shell,
Your true nature says ‘shhhhh’ just listen within,
To the pure white pearl within,
Rolling as a mind at peace,
Then you know you are returning
to Eden.