Lentils As Anything A Farewell

I will share a letter I sent to my friends after my farewell at Lentils As Anything. Lentils is a restaurant that provides healthy vegetarian food for people and promotes peace. On New Years Eve I decided to venture out. I still wasn’t well from my world trip so decided to take it easy and go to St Kilda. I met a lovely woman there from England who was studying theatre and clowning. I asked her to come for a tea and we ended up spending New Years together. She was a spiritual person I noted. She told me about Lentils As Anything located at the Abbotsford Convent. So we went just on closing. To my amazement Shanaka the owner was there. I interviewed him on radio years ago. So he gave us dinner on the house and another couple joined us. It triggered within me the idea of clowning there and presenting my world trip. That is how that happened.

So here is my farewell letter.

Dear Friends,

I felt inspired to share with you my farewell tonight. This is to say goodbye and to show photos of my world trip which was one of the greatest experiences of my life. It has changed me. This farewell is my last having spent in total 9 years in Melbourne. I will not be coming back and I feel it definitely as closure. I have been saying goodbye to people and feel it. Two of my dearest friends came, both clowns both traveling a long way, one had barely enough money for fuel. I felt their love and I was thrilled they had come, for me that was perfect and it was deeply special. I realize how far I have come. I feel the great things yet to come.

It was an interesting night and it was held at Lentils As Anything in the Convent at Abbottsford, a very spiritual place. I called it Mental As Anything tonight and dressed all the staff as clowns. There was around 40 people there and I felt excited. It was the first time in 3 months I felt well enough to clown and I absolutely loved it, I am on antibiotics at the moment. The trip took its toll on me as I experienced exhaustion, traveling and constant change, but it was exhilarating and I was free, totally free.

I had a wonderful 40 minute slide presentation all ready to go but for some reason the staff couldn’t get the projection to work. I didn’t stress as I realize it is not meant to be and will have to ad lib. So I get up on a chair and I talk to the people about being a World Peace Clown and my life as a clown with my dear friend John (Hairy Potter) and my experience in hospitals, nursing homes and on the streets. I told them about my time with Patch Adams in Russia and that he talked about our greatness, most people, he says give up by 40. I do agree with this. So many feel trapped in lives, mortgages, bills and children. One thing I am noticing more on my return is perceived limitation of people. They hesitate about tasting their own greatness as they fear stepping out of their comfort zone, or not able to seize the moment or lack confidence, low self esteem the list goes on. We all experience it. These are limitations. The feeling of unlimitedness I found in the clowning, it is to engage the moment, to forgive, to allow people to be who they are, to face fear, to live totally in unconditional love. This love opens many windows to experiences you cannot believe. So much love waiting for you, just needs unlocking, just venture to see the beauty, to trust people, to know they are like you. It is so wonderful to just hug everyone and joke. I love that.

When I stood facing the crowd I felt the message I have and I will take it further a field. It is to love each other and not judge. To laugh at ourselves. To step over limitations. To have courage. To be there for each other. I see the importance to allow others freedom to be who they are and to reach to your highest potential. I am going to share my experience of travel as a peace clown and what I learned. I learned that the people I met through couch surfing gave without limit and expected nothing. The love and friendship they offered was beyond what I expected. They taught me about community and really being there for each other. I have come to understand on a deeper level what community is and this exists in functional families as well. I made a very close friend on New Years Eve. We actually bumped into each other and found we had a very common desire for peace. We actually had a ceremony at my place meditating for peace and harmony for the world. I watched this person meditating and she looked just like the Buddha. She also wanted to be a clown. I seem to attract these people quite magically. She went to Adelaide and returned on Friday. I was still too unwell to clown with her but did have a tea with her. We talked a lot about peace and love and she was very natural and connected with nature. A very peaceful person, I felt our meeting was not by accident. I decided to catch the tram with her and take her to the shuttle bus. Years ago I would have just waved her off. After my world trip I took her to the shuttle and waited and waved her off. I put service about myself. She noted how I looked after her, I felt I have changed. People don’t think these things are important but they are. I had people in Egypt go out of their way to help me, one even gave me bus fare. I was overwhelmed by the kindness from strangeness. In Australia we have so much we forget that the small things are important. I am going to serve more. Loving self is not about just giving to yourself, nurturing yourself, it is truly about acceptance of self and turning that healing energy inward. When people react negatively it is because they don’t love themselves or they hold expectations on what others should do and then in their minds demonise the other, this creates separation not unity, this is war not peace. They will always be disappointed because the world will never meet with their expectations. I am learning to just accept and let go but with genuine love as I don’t know their purpose and what they are to learn from life. More and more I see it is taking your own power back and understanding what is yours and theirs, I feel this is freedom. If people seek to punish you or guilt you for a perceived wrong and don’t choose to resolve it, then you have to let them choose love or fear and experience that. I am choosing love and I am choosing nonviolence. I see a world deeply violent in thought, word and deed. Yet is accepted as normal or justified by stresses, my inner feeling is that our true nature is loving, violence is fear projected onto others.

Travelling and living alone has been incredibly empowering. I have no conflict with anyone and just observe life. I try not to impose on anyone and I let go of judgement, live and let live is my feeling. It means my space for the most part is peaceful. I do have my moments of issues that are not resolved but 2011 will be a year of resolution of past conflict within myself. I am going to work very hard on being love but if others walk away I will allow it without resistance. My former partner Kabir was like this, he never resisted life at all, he never said a negative word about anyone and was available for people. I was lucky to have married a man for 11 years who was the same. They were wonderful teachers and what I learned from them was humility.

So my night tonight surrounded by new friends and dear friends and sending love to absent ones was one of the most beautiful nights I have had. I love being a clown, I love to love other people and show them how great they are, as I truly see it and feel it. I feel a deep privilege in my life to have found clowning and share it widely. It is my vocation and vacation (not work hey).

I met all the Lentils volunteers. They all do it for love and community. I noted many of them were foreigners and my experience on my trip was in the third world people understood the value of community. It was a joy to do their faces and they were keen to try something new. One wanted me to keep in touch so he could clown with me again. How great is that. He had the talent to, I felt it in his hug, really warm. I met a lovely lady who told me she is a bright sunny clown and she believes in giving hope and love. She was a very wise young woman and I saw her desire to see a peaceful world. I told her it is young people like you that give me hope. I seem to meet wonderful young women who are wise beyond their years. She thanked me for inspiring her, I thanked her for inspiring me. So that is the beauty of love.

Another guy said he wanted to be a happy/sad clown, in fact a few did. I found this interesting as I am into the love and peace clowns. So they made me draw tears on their faces. They found the dark and light part of each other, more wisdom there. So learning to embrace the dark of life. So I tried to paint a bit dark, but it was hard for me.

We (John and I) hugged everyone coming into lentils, they were so chuffed to get the special treatment. I said welcome to ‘mental as anything, you are all gorgeous’, which they are. I hugged one woman who said ‘you made my whole night I was feeling down’. Another said ‘I enjoyed your presentation, thank you so much’. So we make a difference when we step out and speak of love and hope. It is not me, it is the message I am sending. The clown is a great way to convey it.

We threw balls around the room, some glowing or expanding. I told everyone to get up and shake hands whilst keeping contact. I said to them our communities are becoming separate and distance, we just don’t know each other. So everyone was smiling saying ‘hello gorgeous’. I loved to see the energy shift to one of happiness. You can’t imagine the beauty of unity. I love their shining faces and uniqueness. Each one. They were all ages and I went around ogasmatroning (head massage) them. Very hair raising experience, they loved it. One guy made noises of ecstasy thinking I was massaging him, to find John was. We all had a good laugh at that. He laughed. We blew bubbles and told people they are wishes, they will come true. Why not hey.

I want to thank all those who have come into my life to teach me and share your wonderful talents, all unique. I thank all those who gave me a bed as I truly needed it. Those who shared food with me. I can’t tell you the gift that friendship is and I appreciate every friend I made. I put time into friendships as I valued the people. I feel deeply grateful for knowing you. The poem I sent around called ‘You are the Gift’, was inspired and true. I love you if you don’t love me, I love you if you do, either way it will never matter. For me only love is real.

I leave for Queensland in another week or two. It seems a long standing matter between myself and a man who stonewalled me will be resolved. I stood for my own truth and suffered real pain for a long time, but I never stopped loving and seeking resolution. I sense this experience was an initiation for my future work in peace. I felt the calling to mediation in the shower can you believe. This is healing the illusion of conflict. It seems this 9 year ending is about completion and I feel a new life emerging from much hardship. I feel 2011 will be much freer and I intend to speak out my truth to myself and others. There is a saying betrayal of self is the highest betrayal, I cannot emphasis the importance of honesty with ourselves and others. I had a very powerful experience in a tram when I first came back. I felt the purity of truth like water and started crying. I felt it at Gandhi’s ashram and I feel it now. It purifies you. When you lie to yourself, all aggression and negativity is self deception, you suffer and others do as you don’t own your issues. I want to see a world where we no longer suffer or hurt each other. That we stop and look deeply at our reflection and find the love to overcome our pain. To look at the source of the lie that generates the pain that we transfer to others. This is called spiritual dishonesty as we blame the world not looking inwardly. This is something I learned from Byron Katie. I will do ‘the work’ she speaks of to examine beliefs that do not serve inner and outer peace. This desire comes from a deep desire to create world peace. When we change the world changes, this is how we create peaceful families and workplaces.

I see clearly a peaceful world post 2012 and I will be part of creating the vision and acting on it. I feel the mission in my life and I feel the greatness in myself which is equal to yours and it is a spiritual strength. I hope you will find your peace and find freedom, there is much waiting for you when you let go and let god or whatever you perceive that higher intelligence to be. I call it omni (omnipresent) as I feel it in everything..

I love you and thank you for this time. If you want to see me before I leave by all means come over. I am not able to travel without a car and money is short. I am living off faith now. If not, it was great to meet you and thank you for the wonderful memories. You will always be deep in my heart and you are treasured.

I will leave with you some photos from tonight and a poem (I am a poet obligatory). Wow, fabulous night. I saw the gift I have and I will give it 100%. I hope you will too. The world needs our love and gifts should be displayed for all to see, forget tall poppy go for old growth forests mate. This is the real sustainability.

One last thought, what is changing my life is to feel the love and never give up on peace. It is the joy of my existence and it expands the more I give unconditionally. A partner can’t top it, money doesn’t do it, career is not success. I find the real success is real happiness and learning to love yourself. To be happy walking alone, which is often the case when you pursue your dreams. You just can’t stop smiling as you realize the joke is taking ourselves seriously. Time is too short, we are truly blessed to be alive, make the most of every moment. Bring joy to it.

My night ended moving my stuff from the housesit, my friend made room for me in her crowded share house and told me I was always welcome anytime. I felt the friendship that I will never forget tonight and really understood community. She said to me ‘community is the future’ and she is right. I am now at my new home surrounded by love. I feel deeply happy and grateful. When you don’t have a home you rely on the kindness of others, it is never easy to ask, but I created a situation where I have to reach out for community. Which I am learning is key to the future.

Love Peacefull Clown
Aka susan