Self Love is Peace

When we love ourselves then we look through our own eyes and we love the world. They say love is the answer, indeed it is, when you find it the questions disappear and you accept ‘what is’.

At the end of this blog there is a discussion of self esteem and the comment that a person who is told about his merits says ‘go ahead go ahead’. Most people would minimise it.

I recall the other day I was having coffee with a friend and this aboriginal girl came up. She was asking for money and seemed very drunk. I gave her some and she sat with us rocking around. She told me she was having problems with her mother. I told her ‘your mother loves you’. I rubbed her arm as I was speaking to her as a way of comforting her and showing care. Then for some reason I said ‘you are beautiful’. It was like the noise around us faded and I felt her eyes lock on mine. She was seeking for truth and it was meaningful. I knew she didn’t think herself beautiful, she had teeth missing and probably felt really bad. I hadn’t thought anything in that moment. All I thought was ‘you are beautiful’. I told her three times, I said to her ‘take it in’. I meant it. After a while she asked for more money as I don’t think she knew what else to say. I said you will get the money. Plenty of people will give it to you. Anyway, I then asked her if I could give her a hug. I stood up and we hugged (well I am a clown, undercover, comes naturally). I rubbed her back kindly. Now what happened next was a guy came out of the restaurant opposite and gave her $30. I told her see you got your money. Then I went to this couple and I thanked them, a feeling of community arose within me. Turns out the woman felt to give. I felt it was because I gave the hug, it was not about me, it was about love being present in truth. Love attracts. I valued her, the other did as well. In truth she is of equal value. Every person is unique and wonderful but many don’t know it. Very few love themselves. But for a moment she felt the love all around her as she walked off. It was a beautiful moment for me.

I might finish this by saying I have frequent feelings of self love. It is not vanity it is just a positive joy where I am deeply happy with myself. I have spent much time alone and it is had been great for me, as I get to know myself and what I love doing. Self love is peace. Just imagine if every person loved themselves, they wouldn’t need another person to love them. Just remind yourself about what you love about you, I am sure it is what others love about you. You are loveable, no matter what you think. Always remember that.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-love

Self-love is the strong sense of respect for and confidence in oneself. It is different from narcissism in that as one practices acceptance and detachment, the awareness of the individual shifts and the individual starts to see him or herself as an extension of all there is. Ultimately, the identification of “I” from a personal individual perspective, shifts to “I” from a perspective of consciousness or life being experienced from the perceptual point of view that we call by our individual names.

Self-love can be taught in childhood through honesty, acceptance and unconditional love. Since most parents have their own self-doubts and limiting beliefs, they project these onto their children and the cycles of self-rejection and self-abuse repeat themselves.

In 1956 psychologist and social philosopher Erich Fromm proposed that loving oneself is different from being arrogant, conceited or egocentric. He proposed that loving oneself means caring about oneself, taking responsibility for oneself, respecting oneself, and knowing oneself (e.g. being realistic and honest about one’s strengths and weaknesses). He proposed, further, that in order to be able to truly love another person, a person needs first to love oneself in this way.[1]

Self-awareness is the capacity for introspection and the ability to reconcile oneself as an individual separate from the environment and other individuals. Self-awareness, though similar to sentience in concept, includes the experience of the self, and has been argued as implicit to the hard problem of consciousness.

Self-compassion

Self-compassion is extending compassion to one’s self in instances of perceived inadequacy, failure, or general suffering. Neff has defined self-compassion as being composed of three main components – self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness.[1]

* Self-kindness: Self-compassion entails being warm towards oneself when encountering pain and personal shortcomings, rather than ignoring them or hurting oneself with self-criticism.
* Common humanity: Self-compassion also involves recognizing that suffering and personal failure is part of the shared human experience.
* Mindfulness: Self-compassion requires taking a balanced approach to one’s negative emotions so that feelings are neither suppressed nor exaggerated. Negative thoughts and emotions are observed with openness, so that they are held in mindful awareness. Mindfulness is a non-judgmental, receptive mind state in which individuals observe their thoughts and feelings as they are, without trying to suppress or deny them.[2] Conversely, mindfulness requires that one not be “over-identified” with mental or emotional phenomena, so that one suffers aversive reactions.[3] This latter type of response involves narrowly focusing and ruminating on one’s negative emotions.[4]

Self-compassion is the most important life skill that imparts resilience, courage, energy and creativity. Sometimes, self compassion is confused with being soft and indulgent. As per the psychologists, self compassion comes from self-esteem generated by achievements. First ten years of children are most sensitive, as nurturing during this time imparts all values. When school teacher gives punishment, children many times suffer anxiety and depression few times. This avoids people from reaching the full potential. This shows the better way of doing things and rational thinking. In Europe, it is observed that offering high self esteem produce high level of achievements, resulting in the self compassion in later life. Compassion is sensitivity to the suffering of self and others, commitment to do something about it. Mindfulness is being alert and aware of current state of mind. Later research by scientists observed that high self esteem may give rise to narcissism. Self esteem should be measured by relating yourself with others.

Self Esteem

Self-esteem is a term used in psychology to reflect a person’s overall evaluation or appraisal of his or her own worth. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs (for example, “I am competent”, “I am worthy”) and emotions such as triumph, despair, pride and shame[citation needed]. Self-esteem can apply specifically to a particular dimension (for example, “I believe I am a good writer and I feel happy about that”) or have global extent (for example, “I believe I am a bad person, and feel bad about myself in general”).

Psychologists[who?] usually regard self-esteem as an enduring personality characteristic (“trait” self-esteem), though normal, short-term variations (“state” self-esteem) also exist.

Synonyms or near-synonyms of self-esteem include: self-worth,[1] self-regard,[2] self-respect,[3][4] and self-integrity. According to The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, “self-love” is “the instinct or desire to promote one’s well-being”.[5]

Basics

The capacity to develop healthy confidence and respect for oneself [and for others] is inherent to human nature, since the mere fact of being able to think is the base of its suitability, and the mere fact of being alive is the base of the right to make an effort to achieve happiness. Thus, the natural state of human being should correspond to a high self-esteem. Nonetheless, the fact is that there is a lot of people who, whether they acknowledge it or not, whether they admit it or not, have a level of self-esteem below the theoretically natural.[6]

That is due to the fact that, during development, and through life itself, people tend to move away from positive self-conceptualization [and conceptualization], or even not to approach to it. The reasons why this happens are diverse, and they can be found in negative influence from other people, self-punishment for breaking one’s values [or one’s social group’s values], or shortage of understanding or compassion for one’s actions[6] [or others’ actions].

“ John Powell, a known psychology popularizer, confesses in one of his books that, when somebody sincerely praises him, instead of toning down his own merits, as used, he replies: “go ahead, please, go ahead”. It is a reply that is unusual and makes an audience laugh when told in public. It is also a reply that makes you think.[7]