One Year Homeless and Without Income
I see this as success.
I dedicate this to the homeless I have met on my journey. They are courageous people. They are not understood by society and they indeed reflect the externalities of a society that is not caring about members of that society. I regard homelessness as the break down of the home. There are political views that it is laziness, bludging, not self reliant – these are all echoes of British society that sent its convicts to Australia. Homelessness was the basis of convict history in Australia. A staggering 160,000 convicts were transported to Australia in total, certain offences appeared more frequently than others among our convict forebears. They were sent to Australia for petty crimes. Those transporting theme were contracted to bring them, early transports did not specify alive or dead. Many arrived dead until they contract was changed. It was a penal colony based on compliance. I find that interesting. Our forefathers were the Irish, the Scottish and Welsh. These were the Celts. As I have travelled through my colonial heritage I realise that the Celts were not British or Anglo Saxon. The Anglo Saxons were Germanic people. In the next blog I will speak of the King Arthur tradition which often comes up in my poetry.
First I wish to share an experience with a homeless man I had. I celebrate with him my experience of homelessness, living without a home. To find that home is always where the heart is. My country is my home when it cares about its people. When we take people out of the metaphorical shackles and ascend to a higher perspective that we are each others keepers and not one is superior or inferior. Each on their journey of self discovery. There is great freedom in this awareness. My life is about finding who I am, it is not about money, it is not about being seen to be, it is about being who I am. That is my only interest that I feel yields. It is the true wealth of our nation state. It is a steady state of self realisation. The true birth of nations.
I love all people, all are ONE.
HOMELESS BUT NOT HEARTLESS
Can We Walk the Talk or Talk While we Walk …. Together?
I met a friendly older man around 65 on the street in the City of Melbourne. He and I had an instant rapport as we come from a similar generation sharing similar values and as I found out, similar questions.
He has been on the street for many years. He stays in a shed or sometimes with friends. He doesn’t stay long with friends as he agreed he doesn’t like to overstay his welcome. He came onto the street after his mother died who was in a Housing Commission flat. He didn’t think to have his name on her listing and as a result was not eligible to take over the flat, he was forced to live on the street. He had an attitude of not wanting to take a home from another person, similar to myself, and felt to be fair as he wasn’t on the housing list noting that many had been on for years.
He is an observer of people and is friendly to others in response to them as they walk past. He doesn’t ask for money he just places his little black hat out and those who feel the desire just threw a few coins in. I noted the coins were just 20’s and 10’s no gold coins no dollars. I asked him if he was on Centrelink? He said he has no income, like myself. He wore a duffle jacket with a badge on the shoulder which looked like a bear. I noticed his gloves were cut off at the fingers, I guess to make it easy to smoke. I knew he is the poorest of the poor. His demeanor was humble, gentle and wise.
I inquired if I could speak with him. So I sat with this teacher in the position of student. I sat on my backpack and looked up at this wise soul who for a long time didn’t meet my eyes but over time engaged in gentle chatting, conferring and relating he would occasionally glance into my eyes and we would meet. He had deep brown eyes, grey hair and a weathered face etching life experience surrendering to life. He sat on a crate with a little coloured rug placed over it for comfort and his long canvas bag with clothes in it. His jacked and bag looked like an army style. I wondered if he was a veteran as many are on the street now. I never found out what he did in his life but we did discuss life, people, homelessness and society.
He told me that he had been on the street a long time, he was known and people would say hello to him, offer cigarettes or quickly toss some coins as they shuffled past. He would always acknowledge them and thank them wishing them a wonderful night. I felt myself warm to this man instantly as I felt his presence to be a kind one that I felt many benefited from. He was in exchange with those interacting not taking as others may evaluate. To me he was like a beacon of an age old remnant of community that is becoming like a distant memory for those of us who remember growing up in equality, friendliness, community where everyone helped each other and there was a shared sense of gratitude and community spirit.
He told me that he didn’t go to the Salvation Army or other homeless places as he didn’t really like some of the homeless people that went there. He preferred his independence. He said some of the Salvation Army people started there with high hopes but he noticed they became hard. He had concerns about aggression on the street and we discussed ICE. He said it would keep them high for days and then they would come down hard. He couldn’t understand why they took ICE.
He said he noticed a man sleeping outside a restaurant on the other side of the street and apparently at 6am in the morning when the Asian girls arrived to clean he would be very aggressive towards them. It was abuse he confirmed and he wasn’t impressed about how this man treated those who he saw as vulnerable. He said this man definitely had mental health issues. We discussed about why mental health cases are on the street when they can be a danger to people. We contextualized this in respect of the money that governments spend on more police, military spending and other investments but not on drug rehabilitation, mental health treatment that we agreed should be immediate. You do not let it fester on the street.
He said some homeless people would drink publicly and he saw this as some of them doing this as a form of status, to feel superior somehow. He couldn’t understand why they don’t just drink in the park, why on the street almost showing off about it. I said perhaps it is the same as status anywhere people may get this sense of esteem, where they have more temporarily than another. He seemed to think that maybe so.
He told me of a case where a person was stabbed to death some years ago and the City authorities felt something has to be done. Apparently some years ago they started finding out who is on the street. He said sometimes the police come and he felt they were unsure what to do about this problem. He said he knew of a pretty young girl who used to sit not far from where he was. Apparently she fell in love with a drug dealer and ended up on the street. He said she got off the street for a while and studied then came back on the street. He felt so sorry for her, it is no life for anyone. It made me wonder how safe women are in this situation. I know I am not comfortable. He said he noticed more people coming onto the street and was concerned about this. He tried to figure out what caused it.
I asked him about where he was from? He spoke to me of his life growing up in Fitzroy and as children playing. He told me he recalled being excited when he got a new bike, whereas kids today don’t seem to be. He said as kids they played on the street quite free. They were all poor in those days, so poverty didn’t stand out. He said we didn’t think we were poor until we moved into Housing Commission. I realized once the label is applied to people then people are discriminated against. He said when he was a teenager and met a girl he was embarrassed to take her home as she lived in a house. He confirmed he felt shame around that.
He said 60 years ago in Melbourne people were friendly and knew each other. There was more of a sense of community. Today he said they are not connecting. He described a situation when he asked a girl for the time, she told him a time as a throwaway line. He said he just wanted the time as he had to catch transport. He said he was angry with the way he was flicked off and followed her. He said he whistled the tune out of Godfather. I thought that may not be wise. He said he realized she may be getting frightened and he stopped. He told someone the next day he had done the wrong thing and they suggested a song out of Jaws and laughed. I said so the issue for you was how you were treated? He said being flicked off he just wanted the time. I said perhaps the girl was afraid that asking the time was a ploy as we can see in films someone asks the time then robs you. We discussed the levels of fear in society and suspicion.
In my training I learned personal inquiry which is about conflict transformation (similar to CBT), it is learning to look at people without a story in the present moment. In this moment a person asks for the time. That doesn’t negate a sixth sense but it is not projecting your unquestioned judgement onto people which may further socially isolate them.
He showed me a black and white photo on the outside of a retail outlet nearby. The picture was large and showed crowds in black and white, it looked around the 1960’s. He said the children were holding their parents hands. He remembered the era. He said whilst on the street he saw parents leave their child on the one side of the road whilst they went across the road to score drugs. He was appalled at the neglect of the children who were crying. He was reflecting on society.
We both discussed how people don’t understand the plight of the homeless. I suggested they don’t relate. The two of us shared the awareness that people walk past, holding perceptions of people on the street. He said some said not to spend the money on drugs. He didn’t drink or take drugs. He was just in poverty. We discussed the housing crisis and the fact people can’t find accommodation. He referred back to the young women we discussed earlier saying she was offered emergency accommodation in some hotel at $160 a night. I thought of luxury hotels at that price. The cost was paid for by some charity but it is a ridiculous price and doesn’t solve the problem. He said it was important for people to feel human again but then they go on the street again and they forget themselves.
He explained his observation of a guy who was new to the street. He said that he saw this young man laugh to himself not in a happy way (probably mental health issue). He hung out with some blokes who were not respectful of themselves or others and he said he watched him change. I thought of how important role models, environment and being with the right people. I guess similar to prison people become like those they associate with unless they have a strong sense of ethics and self-respect.
He said people that walked past no longer respect others. He saw lots of problems in the people. He said people come and speak to me. He finds out about their lives, their problems, marriage breakups, things not working out. He said there are a lot of problems in the people. I gently watched the people walking past, some curiously looking at me, a blonde woman sitting with him. Probably wondering if I am homeless too. Others walking past impassively not getting involved.
I told him I was homeless but staying with a friend. This was my first time sitting in this capacity on the street. I didn’t tell him I was a peace clown and had dedicated my life to peace.
As a peace clown I sat with many people on the street and hugged them. My friend Hairy Potter (see photo pink flower) and me, Peacefull clown, used to walk around the City of Melbourne connecting with all the people. We would smile and juggle and send love to everyone. The world of the clown is unconditional love, we accept everyone, we do not judge anyone. We hugged the tourists, chatted with people and had fun with the ‘Big Issue’ (see photo) which I now I understand. As a clown we connected with everyone and through us people could see the humanity in other people. We were not paid for clowning on the streets, we did it for love, which has been the main motivator of my life. To be a clown opened my eyes to how great everyone is as they drop their masks. Otherwise the streets are filled with barriers given the fear people carry. A wise statement: ‘the love you withhold is the pain you carry’. This is true.
Like this lovely old homeless man I feel privileged to meet. I found myself talking to people for a long time learning of their lives. Like him, I really love people and am interested in them and what their lives are about. I didn’t tell my new friend of my life other than that I was learning about homelessness. I wanted to understand from his experience what he had found. I didn’t feel I want to go on the street although I’ve thought about it as I want to be independent and somehow live without money to stay in integrity with my decision to not engage with corruption in Centrelink.
Earlier that day I approached two of the City of Melbourne information ladies and asked them what they thought would solve homelessness? They said they were not allowed to have opinions. I challenged that (naturally). I told them what I wanted to do. They suggested I go to the Salvos. So I took that as a sign as I hadn’t planned to. I wanted to meet with a man in the Salvos who walked to Canberra. I dreamed (in August) that I was walking and talking about peace. When I woke up I felt I was walking to Canberra (where I am from), going home, I realized in the shower that many of the homeless had left home and felt homeless. I took the lift to the first floor and was quite disorientated to find the lift doors open into a small dark room with a black and white film depicting the early Salvation Army history. It was hard to see in the dark. There were two women ahead of me and I just waited quietly wondering how I could meet with Brendan. If I say I am homeless I will be labelled yet I cannot say anything else other than wanting to meet Brendan as I had felt inspired to walk and to meet communities along the way. This dream brought me to this place that I would never have come to. She asked for my card (thinking I wasn’t homeless) I told her I didn’t have one and explained the dream. She said he wasn’t there and had 1,000 emails a day. I got the impression he would not have time to see me. She informed me that I could meet with a housing person on the third floor and she showed me where they give free food. I walked down a short alley to see a group of people standing there. I felt a deep sense of peace within. It is interesting when you are perceived in a range of ways. I’ve been a manager of a business, an employee, a public speaker, a journalist, an analyst, consultant, performer etc. Today I am a homeless person. All labels that create a sense of who people think you are, rather than who you are. I wondered at the Christian theme, I wondered if they were saving people because of fear of hell or whether they felt moved to help others by inspiration or a calling? I was with Rotary and they help by ‘doing good’. Standing there at the Salvos I could feel myself loving and looking into the face of each person as I saw their worth. I wondered if I should not look so joyful as they may find me a bit too bright. I am not in a clown suit. There is something in myself that just loves people so much. I cannot explain it.
I had a plan to meet Father who has a homeless centre. A Council Social Planner had recommended this lovely man as well as another woman who randomly mentioned him in a bookshop, I saw that as a sign. My reason for wanting to meet him was that I heard he was nearly homeless and had a vision which is why he started helping the homeless, he was coming from love I felt. I wanted to meet him. When I got to St Peters Eastern Anglican Church I couldn’t find the entrance as there were building works restoring the old building. Apparently the oldest church in Melbourne. I pressed a button to speak to Security, she impassively told me to go back to the top of Albert Street. So I walked again around, couldn’t find the entrance. I pressed the button again and told her I couldn’t find it, she said they probably have gone. It was 5.15pm. I told her I was homeless and there was a homeless shelter. She told me to ring them, but I thought my phone was flat (recently got credit). I asked if she could. She said she couldn’t. I was stunned, no help for the homeless, no kindness. I said to her this is not good enough. I checked my phone battery was red, I tried the number had a recording. No press 2 for emergency etc. Just come back seems to be the theme, no referral, no urgency. I am not lost on the reality of this.
I am interested in those who are acting out of love for others. They are the ones I would like to work with. I am not interested in helping the homeless but empowering people to know themselves and reclaim their power and discover who they are and live to their potential. Since I was a child I saw potential in every person. I often wonder at the lives of people and the choices they make on the basis of what they believe about who they are. I’ve worked in 400 companies, travelled the world, Australia and found myself in so many diverse experiences. I have had the privilege of clowning in orphanages, nursing homes, abandoned women, HIV Aids schools (kids), disabled hospitals, deaf and dumb schools, prostitutes with HIV, nursing homes and on the streets of many countries etc. I’ve seen the most disadvantaged and deformed, social isolated and rejected. My joy was to love them as a clown. For myself I’ve had the opportunity to see all people as part of humanity and my eyes fill with joy at seeing their beautiful faces. It is an irony that when I found myself in difficulties there was no happy face there for me. I experienced what most experience, judgement.
Today I felt so inspired, so loving and so at peace as I walked around Melbourne looking at all the beautiful people. I saw a whole group of police and sent love to them in my own way. I saw them as para military and wondered at their lives, training and how they felt they should project social control. I found myself appreciating everyone. Maybe I just see them as who they are. I always felt as a clown I truly saw humanity. I didn’t close down out of fear, I didn’t ignore people, I just embraced them. Yes some are dark, I’ve met them. I met the actual Khmer Rouge in Cambodia as a Rotary peace fellow. I observed the anger they still carried as they were the children trained by the Pol Pot who did such terrible things to those deemed bourgeoisie (intellectuals). I sat with the former Commander and observed him. Other scholars asked him about the Killing field years and I saw him become angry and leave the room as he had been taught. I realized he had not resolved the pain from the past. Like many I have met in my life they are carrying unresolved issues.
So sitting with my homeless friend we spoke of the unresolved problems in our society. The fact that people don’t talk, they don’t discuss issues. I thought of public forums being a good idea to start public discussions. He saw healing in talking. I readily agreed. Many of my own problems had come from people refusing to speak and resolve conflict. I sought to resolve it to find others ignored facing the issues. I am a trained mediator and I could see that power projects and people prefer to ignore issues rather than directly challenge them. They are not open to diversity. The healing is in releasing the pain of the past and coming to peace around it. Not only does talking help bring it out in the open but emotionally people will start to feel their feelings rather than suppress them and they too can allow those emotions to surface in a safe space. Responding to a person validates that they are heard. I asking questions shows interest. I thought of my peace education skills and the considerable body of work I have produced on experiential training in respect of values, anti-discrimination, anti-bullying and so on. I also have techniques to question and transform inner conflict. I am an advocate for creating a space for people to cry out their pain and trauma, to release it, so they can remove toxins from the body. As clowns we went to hospitals to bring humour and good will to help people change their mood so they can greet sickness in a positive way and to boost the immune system through laughter. This is a positive expression that liberates and heals emotional wounds. That is why we clown in hospital. Dr. Patch Adams spoke of loneliness as the greatest dis-ease. He was right. So many do not connect when one word, one smile can make a difference. It can literally save a person’s life. When we sit in judgement we bring toxic thoughts into a situation rather than healing helpful words that may enable a person to at the very least feel accepted for who they are. In my experience as a peace scholar, nonviolent trainer and peace clown I found that bringing a positive attitude will de-escalate situations, treating every person with respect is a starting point and trusting your instincts in respect of what to say and to be able to sit with allowing solutions to come. Listening is critical. We don’t have to solve everything now, we just sit with the problem and the solutions will come if our intent is genuine. You cannot make problems go away, you cannot suppress them, deny them or run away. It comes back. It is essential people learn to face their pain, feel their feelings, express their hurt and anger in productive ways as a valued part of a community. In my life experience I saw not one person as ordinary.
My friend and I agreed society is losing its humanity. I watched a child walk past us with a worried look on her face, I smiled and she didn’t smile back. She was around 5 years old and already she was aware something was wrong with a person on the street. I see the parents teaching fear to their children. I’ve seen it many times. I see people watching TV and believing our world is dangerous. I travelled the world to prove to myself it wasn’t dangerous. I travelled alone and without much money. I couch surfed with strangers and trusted life to guide me as I was learning to let go of control. It has never let me down. I do not see myself as poor but unfunded. I see this experience I am having as sensitizing myself to the reality of homeless people, as I am with them. I want to notice the homeless, I want to smile at them. I want to acknowledge them. I want to sit with them as they are me. I am not above or below anyone. I love the sense of equality that is naturally there whenever I talk to anyone, it doesn’t matter if they are the CEO or the poorest person, when I look into their beautiful eyes I see myself as a fellow human being walking along side not past them. That is why I wanted to do the walk, to ask people to walk in our shoes. I laugh when I think of my big clown shoes. Maybe a few can walk in them. I smile.
I was grateful for this kindly teacher spending time with me and allowing me to converse in such a beautiful way as a fellow traveler. We exchanged and conferred about life and society. He is writing his book about living on the street and I am contemplating writing my book in respect of how I became homeless and the injustice I experienced by those who would be deemed powerful and wealthy but who did not exhibit behaviours of respect, equality, fairness and importantly, democracy. It was these other teachers that forced me to confront injustice, corruption and using the judicial system to falsely criminalise innocent people. I had no choice but to speak up for what I believed were important values of fairness and to hold onto my own power and not be intimidated by powerful people but to show another way through open discourse, integrity and not demonizing the other but offering a way out of bullying and return to the round table of equality. This is the democracy I grew up in, where we were all equal. I came to understand that those unemployed and homeless have little to no access to justice. I realized their vulnerability in a culture that uses power not conflict resolution to deal with differences. I painfully experienced the social isolation of the whistleblower standing up as social responsibility.
My feeling to walk home was to make peace, as I left home a long time ago. I have been homeless a long time as I didn’t have my own family. So instead of being forlorn about this I made the world my family and extended personal responsibility to social responsibility to global responsibility. I worked without pay as I realized I must put my vision of peace before even accommodation. Like this old man I don’t want to take a space from another who may be more desperate. It has been an incredibly hard road as our world rewards profit and business acumen not kindness and caring. For me the latter is the real world I live for.
I wrote this poem this morning as I have had some difficult times over the last week. In my moments of intense social isolation I write poetry. I have written 1,500 poems in my personal search for truth as a means of transforming inner disappointment and conflict into enlightenment to find answers. My desire is peace and unity where we all work together to resolve homelessness in equality for the betterment of humanity. Coming home is realizing this.
HOME-LESS OR HEART-FULL COMM-UNITY AS COMMON-WEALTH
Home less,
Why not home more?
Care less,
Why not care more?
Ignorant or informed?
Pathetic or empathetic?
Heart less or Heart more …
More heart is the call heard just in time!
For to be home-less is not about housing,
Home is where the heart is,
Feel your heart when you are home,
For many are out in the cold left wanting answers without a Google search.
To be seen to be,
Is not to be,
To be or not to be is the real question,
For I am questioning what is real?
Judgement is the gavel that comes down hard on here-say, the right way or your way,
Disapproval judges as silent exclusion to know what is right without question or by-laws.
But what if this is not about right or wrong but striving to be strong for you no longer belong or sing the same song of indifference?
What if stuck between a rock and a hard place in circumstances leading to the edge,
No longer leading edge is the wedge in politics,
For if you do not fly you fall hard against stone walls that keep out truth and reconciliation.
No-one hears your muffled calls,
They look the other way to say:
‘you are not my problem’, ‘bludger’, ‘get a job’, ‘made your bed’, ‘look after yourself’, ‘be self reliant’, ‘a waste of money’!!
What of empowerment over dependency?
For you are not a dignitary monetising status,
Homelessness an indignity shamed in practice,
Labelled whilst you speak,
Speaking until you are labelled for you failed,
What of a system of falling global markets and quantitative easing funding false profits?
Life is a brand image not a real life image of deeper understanding,
Do you realise why we cry at night alone deciding where to next or if we have the will to live on?
When you walk in our shoes you will know the hardship of inequality a ‘royal seal of assent’,
Society walks silently past signs of disorder,
Al Gore looks for real signs on High Streets.
Perhaps there is order in chaos as chaos reorders to rebalance
worn out social norms,
As families, business, government are ‘out of order’ as community consultation is not in-kind.
The home less are economic externalities unproductive assets depreciated over time unless human resources privatised as profit.
Business-as-usual markets materialism not humanism in-equality for only users pay,
Addicted to consumption functions (MPC), GDP=C+I+G+(X-M) as the wealth of nations,
Good Samaritans apply for funding rounds as disadvantage is not job ready or steady state.
Centre-link is the missing link in chains that bind servitude not bond comm-unity,
As compliance is not a democratic choice,
What if real wealth is well-being giving?
Caring Economics including non-paid sectors?
Civilisation is conflict resolution were all win/win without fear or favour?
As many will beg for real change not bit-coins,
Future ready digitises profiles as bit-coin stock exchanges with no spare change for hunger,
Sync data replaces carbon sinks to flow control programs rather than free flowing life cycles of infinite potential in every ONE.
I ASK: Can the meek inherit a new earth ship planting new seeds in comm-unity gardens where diversity in unity is a commonwealth?