Smile into the Eyes of Others and Find Yourself

I was noticing as I was walking that people walk past avoiding eye contact.  I remember when I was younger looking and smiling at people and finding they didn’t respond most times.  When I was young I felt upset by that.  These days I feel nothing when people don’t respond.  I guess having been a clown has been good training as I am so used to making eye contact and waving and smiling.  What I see is the humanity in others.  I find it interesting how people avoid eye contact and always I feel they have missed love.  The looking down of course is fine as a means of being in one’s own world but when it is a pattern of fear and avoidance it becomes isolating for the one looking down. 

The words ‘your happy destiny is unavoidable’ come to mind in this moment.  I always look into their eyes whether they look or not.  I will always create a space where if they choose to look they will see a smiling face looking back. That face is expressing ‘you are me’.  There is nothing to fear in this life but fear itself and when it rules you it will lead you away from connectedness, away from contact, away from community.  The more you dive into electronic communications you will place around yourself a barrier or wall that no longer sees or feels others.  Someone may be sad next to you but you are with your music and that is all that matters.  I wonder about what life would be like without the ipod or ipad and you simply smiled at the person, perhaps that changes their day.  I recall as a clown many told me that I had changed their whole day because I simply smiled.  They were in hospital and feeling lonely then these colourful clowns came up with big smiles and that seems to be the magic that doesn’t require a trick to amaze.  It is interesting these days how a smile can be revolutionary.

I recall in the United States in 2013 I wanted to start a love action called ‘smile to disarm America’.  I came up with the idea as I noticed a woman became scared of me when I followed her onto the train and sat behind her.  For me I was just getting on the train and sitting down, but what I felt was her paranoia.  Wow I thought fancy a woman being scared of a woman.  No matter people use words like ‘weird’ and ‘strange’.  They are projecting their own fears.  I remember thinking that is the state of fear people are in.  In Australia I doubt anyone would feel that sort of fear, although I could be wrong.  However, because of what I felt was her fear I decided the best way to create peace on the streets was to get together some peace educators in San Diego and some Rotarians and children.  The idea was also in response to shootings at schools and for kids to get involved to simply show people that society is safe.  I wanted the group to simply dress as clowns and smile and wave at people.  That’s it, not rocket science.  I did ring Patch Adams and see if I could get him on board but he was busy at the time.  Unfortunately the people I asked didn’t go for it, so I had to drop it.  I felt it was a great idea and I am sure it would have made a difference.  In small ways we can do revolutionary acts, we can simply smile for no reason to show people that there is nothing to fear.  When you love the fear just falls away and you feel completely safe.

I trained myself to not fear by testing myself.  In London I would walk at night and not cross the road when I saw a man.  Instead my revolutionary act was to smile and say hi to him as we passed.  My thought was I didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable with a woman crossing the road.  If I get a vibe someone has issues I might surruptiously move away but I won’t let them know, I can do it subtly.  I won’t hurt anyone or make them feel alienated.  I recall on my world trip I travelled alone to 20 c0untries and I spoke to people all the time.  Even though in central and south America I couldn’t speak Spanish it didn’t stop me saying Ola.  I found I had no fear and always people were ready to assist even without asking.  I practiced fearlessness and trust and it proved a wise decision.  What  I know today is that I am safe as my energy is positive and I am not sending out signals of fear.  If I felt fear I could attract what I fear if that fear was intense enough.  If I am not fearful then I attract good things.  That is why I feel safe all the time. 

I was attacked once on a beach on the Gold Coast.  I did meet the guy first as my friends had pushed me away, I was only 17, and I was crying at this table.  This guy came up and offered to walk me home.  My antenna was not clear as I was upset so said yes.  We walked on the beach.  He then pulled me down and I recall going through all the emotions to get him to stop – I reasoned, I cried, I bargained and so on.  I saw myself using tricks in my kit to get him to stop.  He didn’t rape me instead he told me he was a virgin, perhaps I was lucky there.  Anyway, I did say I wouldn’t get the police and I decided to counsel him.  I quite naturally told him how I felt to develop empathy in him.  I ask him how he would feel if someone did to  him what he did to me.  We talked for about an hour.  It turns out I walked him home.  He kissed me on the cheek and said thanks, and off he went.  I remember thinking who is the victim here.  Certainly not me.  I laugh when I think back.  I didn’t demonise the guy but I was going to help him learn from it, the talking helped me feel empowered.  So it was a good experience in the end.

I find when I look into the eyes of others I see nothing but love and beauty.  It is a gift I give myself and there are no eyes I find unworthy.  Always I feel a surprise at the beauty of another’s smile.  How beautiful we all look when our eyes are shining and full of love.  It is interesting moving back into society from clowning, I see we are so trained to not smile.  It makes it feel like a place is peopled but not a community or family.  The not smiling is a sign of fear and I feel it cuts us off from potential friends.  So I keep on chatting with strangers and meeting new friends and always I learn something.  I start to see the world as my family and each have their own perspective and wisdom that I can learn from.

I am so glad I learned to smile.

I hope you will smile more and find you live in a world that is incredibly beautiful.  In truth your world is a mirror of you, so when you smile you may find yourself smiling back.

Here is a fun TED talk by Ron Gutman.  Kids smile around 400 times per day.  Pretty good.  Smiling is equivalent to 200 bars of chocolate.  That’s funny!!