How Do We Help Disturbed and Violent People?

I went to a police station yesterday and asked the officer a question.

I told him I was at MacDonald’s and this man came in who had a mental disturbance.

(my observations) I noticed he was leaving and he stood at the door contemplating coming back in.  I didn’t look at him directly as my instinct was not to connect.  I observed him peripherally.  I was deeply present as I worked.  I noted he came and sat behind me.  I felt him drawn to me. I could have become afraid but I de-escalated the fear within myself.  I have a peace technique of placing light on people and asking for love to be around them. I do this for myself.  Anyway, he sat there for quite a while. There was a family near but the section was quiet.  When the family left I did note a little vulnerability but nonetheless, I chose to keep working and observe at the same time.  He would go to the door and leave and come back.  I didn’t move just kept working.  Anyway I noticed him try to come back inside and when he saw me he kept turning away as if he couldn’t come in the door.  It was really interesting.

I didn’t go into this detail with the policeman, I simply told him that the man was disturbed, I wasn’t scared but didn’t know how to help him.  I told the policeman I was concerned about my isolation of this man by not connecting with him at all.  I knew that this exacerbates his disturbance as human’s need to feel a sense of belonging and he wants to connect.  I asked what I should do?  He could only say if a person is suicidal they can arrest him under section (something) of a code and take him to a psychologist.  I found that concerning as it was functional and not socio-emotional which is the need.  I want to help him but am mindful I am a woman and he is probably lonely.  So it is not easy. The clowning was easier because I am not seen as a woman but a clown and I can approach with joy.  I would have hugged him gently (not go straight up but check in with him then say positive words as if he is the same as others) that in my natural predisposition.  But as a woman I can’t it would confuse him.

The policeman probably thought this a unusual question more about love and healing than fear and containment.

Then he and I had a talk about violence.  He had been in the army. I used to work for the police (I didn’t tell him this) and I noted quite a few were ex army.  He was a British officer.  So he had been trained to see ‘enemies’ and he had a strong world view of ‘good’ and ‘bad’.  He was concerned at the public backlash against police violence. He had been in the force for 25 years.  He saw that people were bad and had to be violently suppressed.  I tried to soften this and commented using the word ‘restraint’ but no he was speaking about police violence, this was actual violence.  I listened intently without judgement as I am not in his shoes.  Obviously I am into nonviolence but was grateful to this policeman for being so honest about his belief in violence as necessary.  I recall now Scott Ritter the former senior weapons inspector in Iraq (and CIA) who said in his lecture that war was necessary.   Both shared a belief it had to happen.  I made a comment about men as it is socialised into them, where as women wouldn’t think to go and beat up another woman, we would consider talking to de-escalate tension. Our disposition is to work with the emotional intelligence not physical strength, our strength is in the emotional landscape as we look at what motivates behaviour.  You learn to ‘stay below’ aggression. When I contemplated police violence I did see the irony of arresting people who are well violent. Yet he saw it as necessary.  So we were two world views meeting in a place of peace interestingly enough.

I then said to him ‘I am going to tell you something that is out there’.  This is a matter of fact, no nonsence, get real type of policeman.  But he did me the honour of allowing me to speak.  I told him about a woman in the United States called peace pilgrim, how she walked across the States 7 times.  I did mention she was picked up as a vagrant (no money).  I explained to him a story where she saw a man chase a child into the barn to molest that child.  She quietly went directly to the barn and stood without a word between the man and the child. She looked at him with unconditional love, said nothing. He stared hard at her for a long time.  Then he left.  I explained to the policeman that unconditional love disarms.  He was funny he said ‘he said the cynic in me would have to interview the man’ if he was to believe this story.  Then he said he’d been on nightshift and was really tired. I touched my chest as in honour of him and tipped my head to accede to his request.  I told him it was a pleasure to meet him.  It was.

I realised as I was walking out we (society) have to talk to each other.  To find a way to allow different world views to meet.  But why not meet in a space of respect.  He does not have to be a peacemaker and I don’t have to become violent.  We are just different.  Violence may be important when a person is violently attacking people, peace may be the way when the violence is over to reach the one who believes he needs defence.  He has its own timing.

I felt inspired to share with the policeman and was pleased to share.  I am open to everyone.  We are where we are and we think what we think.  It is not my job to change anyone, it is my job to be myself.  As it is his to be himself.  Who is to say who is right who is wrong.  I personally don’t see bad buys, I see guys who are in pain.  I see confusion. I see in moments they can show love and be kind.  If I focus on this I can draw it out.  I saw that as a clown.  Had the policeman not shut down the conversation (which was fine) he could have asked ‘how can unconditional love disarm?’ then we could have opened into another conversation about unity. However he was not willing to go there as it was a foreign concept to him.  His mind shut it down as his heart was shutdown to disarming through love.  It is not his narrative.  I get that.  However, a little light came through his door.

I love my life.  I loved the policeman.  I loved the disturbed man and felt deep compassion.  Love is always the answer.