10,000 Girls Ask ‘Am I Ugly’ on Google

I believed until I was 30 that I was ugly.   My sister used to tell me I was ugly, I believed her.  I used to be conscious about being fat and didn’t feel confident as a young girl.  Yet I was never fat.  Over the last decade I’ve realised that I am not deficient.  Even if I wasn’t attractive I still should be valued for who I am.  Beauty means nothing.  True beauty is seeing the beauty in others, in truth it is a reflection of your own inner beauty, if you can’t see it, it is your inner world that is ugly.  All negativity is projection.  None of it is true.  Imagine all the people who lost opportunities because they were not attractive enough.  It is a shallow way of valuing people.

My friend just told me today her sister suicided.  I was so upset. Her husband didn’t treat her well or value her.  She has left behind two children.  She said she wants to speak out about self harm.  She didn’t think she was beautiful until she became spiritual in her 30’s.  So this is not a one off, most girls feel this way as the media is constantly valuing women on the way they look.  In my work as a clown I forget I am female and I am happy to, as I do not want to be seen as a woman, I want to be seen as a person.  Moreover, in the workplace I saw only too often that I was treated differently on the basis of my looks rather than my skills.  We are all so evaluated by our physical looks.  I think men who are unattractive or overweight understand this type of discrimination.

I would ask people to stop looking at the face but really get to know a person.  I was only saying today to a hairdresser that true beauty has nothing to do with looks.  It is in personality, talents and uniqueness, in my view.  She agreed and was amazed at how many women get botox and plastic surgery.  She said they didn’t want to get old.  I told her that I drew Mother Theresa and I found her lines and age beautiful.  She had a gorgeous heart and that is what beauty is to me.

I remember walking with two friends of mine (30’s),  and hearing men bark.  I remember being so incensed that I felt like running after them.  I couldn’t believe the disrespect.  I see so many women trying to diet and look good in order to be valued.  It is outrageous. 

Please think about dropping words like princess, angel, sweety, darling and language that makes pretty little girls, start commenting with respect and integrity – you did that well, tell me what you think, praise for who they are not what they do or look like.  Something to think about.  The princess construct is to keep them pretty and simple, it is not what girls and women are, I have met some amazing women in my life and I feel privileged to know them.  They gave far more and their kindness was unconditional.  I saw them achieving and committed.  As parents they stood by their children and with little money they did the best they could to make sure kids had what they need.  Those who didn’t have kids were in service to others.  I really saw the power and strength in their actions.  Overtime as we women get older we start to realise that looks mean nothing to do with self worth.  We start to look at the character of a person (man, woman).  I am not interested in sexism or stereotypes.  I am happy in my own skin today and I really don’t care how I am seen.  I make a point to talk to everyone, no matter their physical appearance.  Everyone is of great value.